What i look for in a guy...Part II

I spent the day studying @ Woodlands lib, preparing for exams next week with KL and WL. Woke up @ 9am and rushed off to lib to book seats (Now lib tables are up for grabs!!! A lot of pple chionging for exams) Surprised to see WL! Because she didn’t want to go lib with me, until KL dragged her along!! hahaAH~* That’s the power of KL’s charisma ~~* hahaHA~* So next time I know how to press WL’s hot button.

KL had a friend who joined us to study, and when he’s off to search for books, we started rattling off abt guys and that KL ah! Dunno what he talking about… “He’s a nice guy right? Good for you right? Loyal type leh! Also very responsible! Like 乡下type of guy, Just for u!!”
Followed by WL, she said,” No, Annie doesn’t like 乡下guys! She likes 城市男孩!”

I was so bewildered! Why are they assuming the type of guys I like? My other longtime girlfriends like Carine, MeiQing, Cihui and April they wouldn't say i like 乡下type of guys!!! They only know that i like bad-boy kinda guys!! My 1st 2 bfs were bad boys...
Then, suddenly, when I tot I could reply them, nothing came out of my mouth. I am no longer sure what kind of guys I like anymore!!!

When I looked back @ the previous blog posting abt “What I look for in a guy…” All seems pretty. But I can’t feel for it anymore… damn…it’s the dead zone shit again… and getting more serious…

Remember, I mentioned before that
Complaining = arrogance, powerlessness and lack of control.
So now I’m gonna trash it all OUT here!!

Complaining session starts!!!
I dun like guys who can’t make up their minds, not decisive, too easily bullied, those who bully girls, timid, stubborn like me.(投射)

I've got this tough wall that if any guys can break, You're the MAN!!! I can become so defensive when any guys want to get close to me, that i'll just scare him off. How? You wanna try? haha~~*

I know I am super stubborn. And I am so stubborn, even in the subconscious state, I don’t know that I’m doing things in the opposite way that they’ve been telling me to do. Sometimes when i'm assigned a task to do, I did it my own way, even when told to follow their way. I did it unknowingly!! (Maybe i practice selective hearing, seeing and listening and i dun even know it!!)

I am very self-assured of things I’m confident to handle (or I thought I can handle). I live in my whole world and unless I break out of my world, no one can force me to listen to what I dun wanna hear or do. I am VERY VERY STUBBORN.

I know I am super ignorant of people’s feelings as well. I can’t empathize with people, can’t respond to people’s call for help, and can’t listen to people’s sorrows. I am so dead. I dunno how to live again. I can sometimes forget how to make a person’s day happy (or do I just simply ignore them?). I can’t be bothered anymore about people outside my world. I forget to live out my life lively sometimes. And this sucks.

I used to care a lot for the people ard me, but they didn’t care. I got sicken and heck care abt life. So why should I care when pple dun? Until I met WL. One thing I like and hate abt Lin is, she’s shows so much care abt pple, that sometimes I’m wondering “How can she ever do that so openly and affectionately?? TMD er xin ah!! (hey no offense leh gal)” Because people may never appreciate what you are doing, and you are still doing it!!!! But, that’s also what’s sweet and nice abt her also. She’s doing things that normal pple dun normally do, but people should love each other more so that love will come back to them, right? Spread more love dear, and especially love yourself more. ;)

Is there anyone who cares abt me? I dunno. Perhaps this is the most vulnerable stage I am in now, so if there’s any guys who wanna venture into my dead zone and pick me up, there’s full of land mines which tripled the amount over the past 1 week. You may get killed. However, if u managed to save me, I’m yours.
(REMINDER: Survival rate is low. Wanna try? Think twice, if not, thrice.)

I’m feeling rather in between this dependent and independent zone. I got back to listen to songs like 冬季恋歌, which used to make me cry a lot in the past(4 years ago). Now, there’s no more tears. I can’t feel anything for guys liao, not even my latest crush (yes, I’m kinda gonna over him, hopefully. Ahhaha~*). I just wanna complain and complain abt guys and how hopeless I am with love and I just wanna scold and scream at any guys who asks me about “Which type of guy do you like? This guy good…that guy good…”

NooOOoOOOOoOo!~!~* I’m not a les!! I’m just, feeling that, its just so hard for the right person to come by. Perhaps, if added on to the previous 20 conditions about “What I want in a guy”, there’s a new condition:

21.
This guy must be someone who can make me cry for him.

Tears of Happiness, of course! First time for the past 23years of my life, I feel so empty. I’ve always have an ideal guy in my mind, but now, its just sickening. Perhaps, I’m going through “The Process”.

FREEDOM in 13 DAYS