Bluey monday~~

'Complaining is a combination of arrogance and powerlessness, while believing that someone else needs to change for you.'….Dr Chuck Spezzano [quoted from www.psychologyofvision.com]

Why did i put up this quote? Because i'm gonna complain lah!!! Although from this, i know that i do believe someone must change, it is for their own good!!! Everyone must be responsible for their lives. "How you do anything, is how you do everything".

Today, i'm very mad...so sOoOOo mad that i dunno why i'm crying non-stop. I've never cried so badly, ever since my last break-up with my second bf 5 years ago.. (the 3rd guy isn't worth it, so i din cry much) and guess what??!! The incident is so silly and you wouldn't believe it!!!

Actually, today i jio one guy to study at the lib. He was late for 2 hours. That alone, nvm leh~ But then ah(sounding *cina*), at the same time, i was feeling depressed over losing "pieces of paper worth up to $10K at least" which i am in-charge of safe-keeping and thought that i have left it in his place. Suddenly, every inch of my brains moved towards ANGER.

ANGER:
2pm he msged that he's coming soon and he couldn't find the "million dollar papers". At first, i was feeling very depressed...and i couldn't focus on studying my labour law notes for exams... but as i look at the time, i realised that i have waited 2 hours!! "Why did he make me wait for 2 hours, when he said he's coming?" From guilt, i started to feel hot with anger. Why is he always late??!! i know that from PoV, people are late, because they feel that they are not needed, their presence is redundant (self-worthlessness). Of course lah, just studying mah. But i just can't get peace in me! So, i want to make him remember that i can't be bullied.

I leave the lib and i saw MingJian(MJ). So surprising to see him!! I told him what happened, and he advised me to wait for him just a while longer. Just then, a msg arrived and he said he just came with some stuffs i asked him to bring. So upon MJ's advice, i went back to retrieve the stuffs, and left the lib.

I know i can't stay in the lib, because i know something's gonna happen. That very moment when i tot i lost hope of recovering the papers,I called WeiLin to ask whether the million dollar papers are with her. And to my greatest relief, ITS WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i broke down!!!!!!!!!!! Not because of the papers, but because all the suppressed anger about the guy can be released!! No more guilt to suppress it!!

WHY on earth do i need to cry so badly??
After-effects of PoV, i supposed. How can i cry for such a small incident?? It's about 2 months after PoV already! Now then i cry ah. hahaah`~*My lag is quite serious ah. So, this is "the process", told by the PoV trainers. The end of the course is a start to experience the process.

I felt so 委屈, to have to wait for a guy. I have been waiting for guys all my life. My crush for 3 years in sec sch(whom i have loved unconditionally), my 3 bfs (whom all 3, i think deep down there was never love, because true love doesn't contain jealousy and hatred), and now my last crush (whom i gave up on him 2 weeks back)! I just put on my "*~Dream are Free~*" column on the right side of my blog, saying that i want to breakdown and cry when i am able to accept any man into my life just yesterday, and today...hahha~ I guess the emotions from the past are releasing now... but am i ready to accept anyone yet? No, not now. Til the day i'm able to shine!~ hahaahAHA~* and from now on,i will never, ever go after guys anymore.No more waitings..

Last night, i had a dream. Its been a long time ever since i had any dreams. I dreamt of, Mr. Nicholas Chia!!! ahhaAHA~* Sort of some stupid dream scenario, i dreamt of him going after me and the moment he wanted to kiss me, i ran away and i woke up in shock! haha what oh earth is a man old enough to be my dad wanting to do that??!!

After some thinking, i rem what Hiromi, my adored PoV trainer, she mentioned that anything that's happening in my dreams, i am that person. I am the one who want to find true love, yet i am also the one who is running away from true love. Why? its deep in the unconscious level. There are generally 4 states of the mind, Conscious, Subconscious, Unconscious andthe Higher mind. For details, just ask me lah, so hard to type out everything now...

Hmm, honestly speaking, my ideal partner consist of both Nicholas Chia and Dr. George, but now more of Mr. Chia. haha~ He's the better-looking one (*hahAH~*) and, he believes in settling his marriage early! i got to know that he got married at 20 and now, he's still happily together with his wife! So sweet~* Charismatic with a sharp nose!! Tall and when he smiles, wah piang! Can i label him as the "Fei Xiang" of Singapore? haha~* =) but he's more than just Fei Xiang! He became the CEO of Bank of America (Asia Pacific region) at the age of 29!!! In the board of directors meeting back then, having 14caucasians on the board, he was the only Asian!! Over the past 2 decades, he has helped 36 companies get listed! What a feat! You know the Swensen's at crown prince hotel @Orchard? He was the one who revived it 10 years ago and made it become world famous! He's supposed to be retired now with the fortunes that can last more than 3generations(only 40plus of age), but he's willing to come to WBG and become the CEO and help our company get listed! That's the power of WBG's misson: To reach out to all, for everyone to enjoy the healthy Hunza lifestyle. With Nicholas being the elected chairman for Direct selling association of Singapore (DSAS), i am sure he'll be able to wipe out the tarnished image by illegal,ill-educated MLM companies and bring glory to these industry! HAha~ Heroic Nicholas!! Back to my topic...

What does it mean from this dream? hmm...i'm running away from my perfect man. Yeah, i know. And i still want to run away first. Cos, i wanna chiong for my career 1st! i see no point going after guys, unless they come after me lah, save my time.haha~* When i told a silly friend of mine "Don't you think having a gf to work with you is great?". He replied "Don't you think having a gf now is like a burden when you need to chiong for career?" Since then on, i generated negativities of having a bf right now..yup, i never had a true partner, not even when i had 3 past relationships. I wish to be able to enjoy life when i get my life partner,but now, need to chiong right after graduation, no time for relationships. On the lookout for suitable ones perhaps, But no ready for it too fast. haha~*

Felt so much better writing it all out! So tired after crying, i took a 4 hr nap!! Damn, need to finish all my readings, else can't score for exams liao~