Reaffirmation of my dream...

What i pray my last guy in my life will be...

1. Have passion for life.
2. Be there to adore and care for me. Be there whenever i need him. Really love me for who i am.
3. Friendly guy to know, so my close friends can generally accept.
4. Willing to change for the better. Not stubborn. Good EQ.
5. Be investment savvy. Knows how to manage finance.
6. A determined guy. Once he sets to start something, he will not give up and pursues to the end.
7. Healthy guy without much bad habits.( I can tolerate drinking, but not smoking and clubbing.) [I give up on this, because i fell deeply for someone who did smoke..]
8. Loves to hear me talk, appreciates whatever i do for him. [He is one guy who really LISTENS to me, although he sometimes doesn't absorb it...haha~* but I LOVE him for that =) ]
9. Understands his priorities in life, values and beliefs.
10. Have faith and hope for life.

And also, be able to overcome the fear of committment. Because i fear too. And I want to be able to overcome this fear, and start with a man willing to go through this together.

I pray for a man who will want to go through the thick and thin with me...and be able to commit to a relationship that we promise each other to have faith for each other, and never let go of each other, never sacrifice our relationship, and be there for each other..till our dying day..

A Promise...to deep lasting relationships..

Fear is Love's greatest obstacle, and most of the time, Love's greatest secrets teaches people how to overcome fear. The fear of rejection, the fear of stupidity and the fear of failure.

When a person is unable to promise a commitment in a relationship, it is bound to fail.

I believe that when we desire love, we must be able to conquer fear and also, willing to commit into a relationship, promising each other.

The lack of promise is a common problem in this society (with bad experiences in love, family, previous relationships,etc) ,and of course, when one experienced rejection, pain, he/she will naturely avoid the same thing happening again.

When one's fear becomes greater than the desire for love, they retract into a world of loneliness, darkness, dullness.

There are always the highs, the lows, the ups and downs in a relationship.
And whenever a relationship hits the rocks, only the promise to each other will be able to keep it alive.

If a couple were to experience unhappiness in the relationship, and one hinted a breakup, sooner or later, it is bound to end.

Why? Because they have treated the relationship like a scarifice. They never treated the whole relationship seriously. They have never prided the relationship as a priority.

For a relationship to be successful, one must place the other in priority or an important position. Even more important than career or wealth. To put it simply, a break up will never be considered. No matter how sever the quarrel may be, none should threaten a breakup. If the thought were to ever surface, it will surely bring up a chaos to the relationship.

The meaning of a promise is, no matter how difficult the situation may seem, giving up is not an option.

Sometimes, its only that we have never give a promise, that's why we give up so easily.

Everyone desires love and relationships. But the real issue is, how much promise have you given to love? How much promise have you given yourself?

A promise identifies whether a relationship is strong or weak...
A promise is a test to true love...
When a person has given a promise, he/she has no right to give up, and will chose to fight on to make things work out.
If anyone were to desire a long lasting and deep relationship to work out, a promise is of utmost importance..

The day i've earn my guy's promise, that'll be the day that a deep lasting relationship begin, and i swear with all my heart and soul that this will be forever...

Passion of the Christ

Watch The Passion of the Christ with dear at his place on sunday... (28 July '08)

Truely heartbreaking and touching to watch... A very thorough depiction of what happened to Jesus...

It was a very nice show....and i forgot that i left this blog unfinished...
All i can remember now is.. Dear cried with his back faced me...Not a romantic person, but a very sentimental guy..

He always looked so strong..defensive sometimes...
But deep down...i just wanna hold him tight and make sure i'm there when he needed somebody...

A nice walk at the park...~

We talked together...and i felt so much better now~

We took a stroll at Woodlands park.. it was an amazing walk and we settled at a cosy place..

Its a day before Mid Autumn Festival. Its was peacing and sweet~ I loved tonight.

Will never forget tonight... It was the great evening we spent.

I told him a story...

"A lady had a terrible break up from his boyfriend. Her guy dumped her, she was devastated, and had a terrible period trying to cope with the loss. She tried all means and ways to attempt to get him back to her side, but it all failed...

One day, she wondered to the park, attempting to nurse the pain in her heart. A Chinese Old man was sitting beside her. He took out a bag of bread crumbs out of his pocket and started to throw on the ground, attracting alot of pigeons to fly down and eat.

It was a lovely and peaceful sight. The Chinese Old man asked the lady, "Do you like these birds?" She replied, "Not really..." The old man started his story,

"When i was much younger, i had a friend who used to own alot of beautiful pigeons. Everyday, he will bring out his cages of pigeons, display it for fellow villagers to see and feed them publicly. He felt proud to own such beautiful, strong looking pigeons and he declares great love for these birds that he painstakenly groomed.

I was puzzled. Really puzzled.... i thought for a long while...and asked this friend.

"If you really loved these pigeons, why didn't you set them free?""

I never felt anything much abt this story until today...

So today, i choosed to set him free, because i really love him. And i know he loves me too.
One day, our paths might cross together and till then, i will tell him that i'm ready for our future together.

P.S: I Love you, Anthony my love.

A nice break...~

Having a break now~
Packed my time with friends, and i'm imaging myself jumping onto him after this week!

We've been close together for a long 4 months, sticking almost everyday go home after work (during my days at Biomedia), going jamming during weekends, going fishing with Mitch and Neil, etc.

Maybe this next 1 week will give a good restart to our engines!
I'm looking forward to a beautiful beginning again. New romances, new excitements! :D

I remembered Grace, a lady friend who is going over to the States soon with her husband for work for the next 2 years, once told me her story..

She had been together with her bf (now husband) for over the past 6 years (that was 3 yrs ago when she said this). They were together since JC times.
Been through the guy's 2 years army times, separated while one was away for overseas studies for 2-3years, almost called the relationship off for more than a year ago, and now, they are happily married.

How did they do it? I do not know...its for me to find out. And i want to find out.
I believe that i've come into this relationship, having in mind to bring happiness into this man that i love, for the rest of his life. And he's done so much for me now, i felt i haven't put in enough.

If i didn't do well, i am sorry and i'll do better and be more conscious, self-aware of whatever i'm doing. First thing,.. i must let go of my ego... haha~ TO REALLY SERIOUS think of it, i do sound hateful when i actually listen to what i said. ahahAAHAa~~*

SooOOoOOOOoo NOT USED to life now without him.... :(
But i must learn how to be independent... *grumbles*

Where is my dear?....

I'm learning how to be independent...but still... i miss him...

*grumbles*

FRIENDS OUT TIME !!!!!!!!!!!

Since the guy's leaving me alone for unknown period of time to have his cavetime, i'll start on FRIENDS OUT TIME!!!!

• Tuesday meet Cynthia at cwp
• Wednesday meet Weilin at AMK
• Thursday meet KL, WeiJie and people for dinner
• Friday meet Joyce, Lihui and Lynn for Joyce's birthday at Chinatown
• Saturday meet Jiawei for a jog at Dairyfarm estate if he's free
• Sunday morning go 9.15am or 11am Church mass, later stay home or meet friends to go swimming, or go jogging at Dairyfarm estate again. Train up for marathon.
• Where's my pin pin? ah lah...wait till she's free...

Was really getting pissed by the cavetime....totally no contact.. but must get used to it. Luckily i asked Jiawei what's it abt.. else i've blown myself up in frustration.

Jiawei also practices this caveman instinct, ALL THE TIME! So he told me how his ex-gf used to do...just leave him alone. And his girl will also leave him alone and enjoy their own life. Hmm...its better to see it in another person's perspective, so i'll not be so biased in my judgement.

He tells me that, he does the caveman aloner kinda shit all the time, needs time alone, and others are potentially irritating, and he doesn't want to step on people's toes, so he slams his door at everyone who tries to get near him during this "PMS" (Preventive Maintenance Sessions) to keep him in sane.

Yup, sounds like what my guy is too!

The secret to Happiness - Decision

hmm.. this is an important blog that i want to make, at this wee hours of the night, 1.30am on monday midnight..

Its about one of the secret to happiness, The Power of Decision.

I realised that, most parts of my life, i've been quite a happy young lady, because i make fast, decisive decisions. Some parts of my life which i am not happy(but have passed) are countable, such as:

• Staying in NUS Computing and not changing faculty (the past now,i'm benefiting from the certificate anyway)
• My first 2 relationships (yup yup, Dear if you happen to read it, dun be sad. its all in the past now. We're happy now! :D )
• Incurring huge investment debts. (now repaying monthly, but i dun look back and regret now. Be forward looking.)

What else? I can't remember, because i decide that they are too minor, choose to not remember and be happy. hehe~ :)

Recent events, such as my career from Citibank to Biomedia Holdings and to the now BNP Paribas, also from old WBG to now SAB (mainly dormant and serving as IT assistant), although there are unhappy events, i decided to make the best out of situations and be happy with it.

About my career

Citibank: I'm glad i survived 8 mths, knowing that i wouldn't have the prospect of being promoted to permanent staff as Citibank was already cutting cost and getting poly grads instead of uni grads. I was not happy with the working style, which consists of mainly VERY routine daily task...check credit card, check their credit history, approve credit cards. Life was utterly boring and i know there's no prospect to it. During the 8 months, i made life happy, by deciding to have fun and enjoyment during work. I had one of the most happy times with my colleagues, Lihui, Lynn and Joyce. This is how i decide to be happy.

Biomedia Holdings: I came to this company, knowing that i want to work for a SME for a while, to understand abt the culture etc. I have stayed for 3 months. Life was happy, with dear working at another department, and life was fulfilling (doing marketing, logistics, operations, project management, it all add colors to my resume) until it came to a point whereby cold callings have to be made, and i'll be the only one doing it. I decided that, this job is not for me. (this decision here is not a very good one..i was too impulsive to quit suddenly..but i have already sensed that they rather employ 2 malaysians with 1 person's salary..so its a sooner or later kinda thing) Hmm...sux to be in a small dept.

So, i risked the chances of quiting the job and spoiling my resume and career chances, but i still choosed to. Why? Simply because i know my value, and i can still get better jobs out there. I decided to not look back, go all the way out to get a good job out there.

While my ex-collegeaues waited for job agencies to get back to them and waited for months, i got my current job within 3 days. Why? Because i decided that i want a job ASAP. I sent numerous resumes, and followed up with the agencies. I want the job, i ran after them and not waiting for them to call me back. I decided to be pro-active.

BNP Paribas: Its quite a good bank, from france. and i'm in the compliance dept now. To make life happier, i decided to even get my ex-collegeaue, Joyce to join me! That's current life now. For now, compliance seems rather interesting, and i'm still exploring. Enjoying being the policewomen of a bank now, and i decided to stay until they sack me, or at least the next 2 years (unless unforseen major circumstances arises). This will look better on my resume in future.

SAB: Decision to become dormant was tough as well, because i've let down a couple of people, like Arthur, Jet and Serene and Pin, but i have no regrets. I choose to live with it. and make the best out of this choice! And i still help out with their IT side.

I believe that other than making the best and choosing to be happy, FOCUS is also very important.

BAND: I've always wanted to be part of the band coaching team...and have always talked about it again and again, not being realistic that the money is not gonna sustain me for long...so now, i have decided that i'll put it on hold, until i have at least a decent $20k in my account.

LIFE: I decided that i will marry when my account is at least a decent $100k before i get married, as i want a more wealthy family to begin with, not letting future children suffer.

What i am going to say is...PROFOUND.

Usually people need to know that it is...PROFOUND, or else people wouldn't know that it is PROFOUND.

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Its quite simple to think this way below...NOT too diffcult.

***If you have decided to be responsible, to stay in a company that you have no passion anymore, FOCUS on the things that you still enjoy (the company of the people, your workers, etc). Having time to feel sad, feeling uncomfortable in the job simply means that you HAVE NOT DECIDED to be happy and HAVE NOT FOCUS on the happy elements in the job.

***If there's nothing to be happy about, or VERY hard to find any, MOVE ON.

***If you decide that moving on is not the option, DECIDE to stay for the remaining days/months, and STOP thinking about negatives! FOCUS on finding the good things on the job.

***If you are STILL unhappy and you have already (think) that you have focused on the good stuffs and cannot find, it simply means......... you HAVE NOT DECIDED to stay, because you have not done your best to find the good things on the job.

***If you want to be happy, look forward! Be forward looking! Can start deciding which is a good company to go to, look at their company profiles, build up a good looking resume, retake resume photos, check out the good job lobangs, there's so much GOOD THINGS to look forward to! Why bother looking backward? No time to waste on bad stuffs.

That's all for the night of grumbling...nitez!

Thank you for loving me...~

This post is delicated to dear Ant...

A week ago, a friend, feeling troubled by BGR issues, asked me... What must a man do to make his lady feel loved?

I'm not gonna give any psychology explaination for this part...just by gut feel...
This question is profound. This time, i really give it a long thought. How did he made me feel loved?

When i was in teenage years, young and innocent, i used to think that material stuffs are able to make a basic judgement of how much your guy loves you. If he is willing to go all out, earn some money and buy you a good necklace, buy you some flowers, that shows some very basic level of love. (I am NOT that materialistic, but i'll still love a good piece of jewel. hahhaAH~*~)

However, Ant did not buy or give me anything or do anything romantic, 4 months into our relationship.

No flowers, no jewel, not much gai-gais (we are quite homely and only go jammings and friend's place), no love notes, no romantic smses, not much couple outings, no traveling to malacca, and alot of things guys will do, he will NOT do...

And the best thing is, i didn't realise it until this friend of mine reminded me!! ahahaAAHaha~~*

But my friend also reminded me of something.

Why do i think this time, Ant loved me more than any other guys in my life? (including our first relationship back in 2000)

Ant's not a romantic person, so i got used to it.
However, there's always the little little things that he do, which really sends me over the moon..

• He likes to kiss me on my forehead (mainly because i'm much shorter than him)
• He searches for me when i get lost (sometimes makes me feel good to be damsel in distress..ahha~ that doesn't sound too good to do)
• He always tells me the truth whenever he thinks he did something wrong (he'll make sudden confessions. ahhaha~*)
• He cares for his family, and makes me feel he will be a good man to be with, for life.
• His eyes when he looks at me. Completely different compared in yr 2000. i feel appreciated and looked after.
• He worries too much for me sometimes, but i still like it. haha~*
• He gave me the key!!!
• He shares his work life with me. Makes me feel like a good friend. :)
• He gives me good massages when i am suffering from backache.
• He thinks about spending quality time going out with me,even though he's tired and worn out at times.
• And more...
  

Sometimes i do get angry with him. However, remembering these little things makes a world of difference. Its all about the simple things, little things that normally people will overlook, which made me see the difference with him. He made me feel precious.

P.S: I Love You. :)