31st Dec 2009!!~

The first post for Dec'09, the Last post for Year 2009!

I've been so lazy to update, and there's suddenly so much to say!! hahaAh~*
I think its mainly because of the School Band trip to Kedah, Malaysia, which revitalised me ALOT! I feel so alive in Band, once again, and it didn't matter if it just WestSpring Band and not my Bukit Panjang Govt High/ Teck Whye combine band.. These bunch of West Spring kids are seriously awesome.. :)

What i've done for December 09 (All photos can be found on Facebook!)
-Went Malacca trip with Mitch, Neil, Kian and Jessica. Fishing on a speed boat was awesome!!! ;)
-Went Malacca, Kuala Lumpur, Ipoh, Penang with Cynthia and friends. Malacca and KL were awesome, but not so for Ipoh and Penang.. It was a back-breaking, tiring experience..
- Went Kuala Lumpur, Kedah.. It was an amazing time! spent with the kids, spend my time learning how to twirl flags (professional color guards training), and my coach is just 20 years old! The only Color Guards instructor throughout the whole of Malaysia!
- And i've finally got my long awaited iPhone!! It doesn't matter that the whole world is using it, what matters most is that it is SO AWESOME!!!!Anywhere and everywhere i go, i can go online! And loading time is SO FAST! woohoo! I love the PrayerJournal app most, because i can do my prayers so conveniently! SHIOK!!!

What i'll be focusing on Next year:
- Band!! It's where life is for me!
Although there is only little i can do, i hope whatever important knowledge i've taught the kids, will be able to impact them positively in life. There is so much satisfaction just by being with the band kids and nurturing them.

- Looking forward to NIE (in July). Hope there is vacancy for me! (IF not, i'll definitely write complain letter!)

- Looking forward to lots of holiday trips! Thailand with Cyn, Korea with Lili, Joyce and Qiqi, and finally, the ultimate Band trip to Australia (if we win GOLD medal!!!!) =D

- Getting baptised next year (4th April 2010), so i forsee that tough times will be ahead, especially during Lent season. I pray that the Lord our Heavenly Father will always look after me. No matter what happens, may i never lose my God. With the little faith i have, i pray that the Lord will strengthen me more.

- I pray to be reconciled with Anthony, that we may be able to work better together should he be back to help out with the band, and also that we may be able to communicate normally as friends again. I ask this, to Jesus Christ most precious name, Amen.

Within the next few hours before and after Countdown to 2010:
- Now, doing designing of posters for the ALpha group in my church.
- Doing recruitement drive marketing tools for West Spring Band.
- Will be at Singapore Polytechnic for the "Mafia Night" countdown to 2010.
- Will have a "Super Drunk" Party night at Mirama hotel until 2pm next day. (i'll be the chamber maid aka cleaner for the night. Don't feel like getting a hangover the next day)

So tata!! Looking postivitely for GReat TIMES ahead NEXT YEAR 2010!!! ;D

A fresh start!

Wow...its been 1 month since the last posting...
Anyway, school term is over...so i was kinda, back into the depression mode..without Anthony around by my side. Actually, i guessed that i was almost too reliant on him. That's quite a pull-off, to always stick to him when i was still together with him....thinking back, i seriously think i behaved too much of a "sticky" wife to him. I bore him at times as well. Because we are BOTH boring people..So naturally, he and i can't handle it...haizZZz..

I'm still missing him, thinking about him, and sometimes, in my dreams i see him too.. (i feel like an emo psycho..) The things that we've done together, it felt so much like just a few days or weeks ago. Very vivid. STILL very clear in my mind..

Anyway, i have to move on. Thinking clearer now (yah....took quite a long time for me to think it through yah...but its not too late..) So, what i wanna be in 5-10 years time, i'll have to decide now! Just like what i've always been telling my students.. :)

Get real!

I wanted to get married by the age of 28...but now, it doesn't seem realistic at all. The whole idea of a happy marriage before 30 seems impossible now, and i do not look forward to it anymore as well. The whole new plan (a new door) is unveiling itself now, so i might just go for this new perspective...

I plan to give myself 8-1o years more of singlehood, before i plunge into marriage. That means, marriage by 33 - 35.

Maybe a boyfriend in 5 years time. That's the most possible timeline i can work out. I'm feeling so....uninterested in men now. The thought of entertaining a possibly new relationship seems so unappealing...I just want to be with God now.

For now, what i can do is to work on Career and Religious Life!!
Certain aspects of life i wanna fulfill are:
- Getting a driving license! Before 15 April 09 (i just passed BTT! Now getting my FTT done too..)
- Settle my debts..by this year end and early next year!
- Do some traveling before NIE training ends next year! (Thailand, parts of Malaysia, South Korea, Taiwan are all in the plans already..)
- I will really love to be able to play piano...contemplating of buying one in the near future.
- I wanna get a car by 3 years time. By 2012. A cheap second-hand car will do.
- I wanna change my wardrode!!! Planning $500 min. heeEHe~*
- I wanna definitely wanna get a flat on my own by age 35, if i'm still not married.

How about Career?
I intend to go into the leadership track, or the senior teaching track..
- CPA Head of Department by age 35.
i might just wanna get my ass into intensive CPA (Computer Applications) learning. With the fast evolving IT industry, i'm gonna start learning alot of animations, games making, video and movie creations, to keep up with the subjects learning pace. Alot of teachers in school just wanna teach, but don't wanna improve. So, CPA is the subject where i can improve myself and get up to HOD level. Maths is way TOO competitive.. ..
Alot of IT learning to do right now! Not stagnant at all in this field..can get entrepreneurial as well.. :)

Religious Life
Hmm..recently, it has been going dull. But i recognise it as normal. Because in a relationship, there are bound to be ups and downs. There are also times whereby i feel bored. Just like what i felt with Anthony as times as well. But the thing is, how do i revive the passion? Oh, that's effort. I have to stop being lazy and read up on the Word of God....my Bible! and also, get back into the activities of the church. I have been too busy with school work for the last 3-4months, that i neglected my spiritual life..

Nonetheless, God really took great care of me. There are many times when i grumble why must my life end up like this, and He will do something...so MAGICAL that i find it so amazing...things that happen to me.. that makes me realise that Love Changes everything. Hope does not fail...
And i will continously pray that, for the next few years that i've given myself, that miracle will happen.

Ah...!!~~Right now, i wanna stop caging myself up, get into some real serious work with career planning, and enjoy life having weekend mahjong sessions, ktv sessions, church sessions, shopping for Christmas and holidaying!!

In the name of Jesus Christ,
i pray for All my loved ones be blessed with your love and your joy, especially take care of my love Anthony as well. Now that he's having a car now, i pray for his safety on the roads and wherever he travels to.
Amen

Amused by his driving.. :)

Yesterday was an eventful day..
-Taught extra classes @ Subway, Lot 1 with some students...since 10am to 1.30pm onwards..
- Bible studies @ St Anthony Church from 2.30pm to 5pm..
- Rosary Prayer @ Carol's place, with the Catechumens, Facilitators and Godparents of RCIA....7.30pm to 9.30pm
- Mahjong session @ Jessica's place with Jessica, Kian, Jeremy, Joy and Mitch and Ant.. :) from 10.30pm all the way to 2am..

As we packed up to go home, we walked downstairs to the carpark. It was when Mitch and Ant paused in front of a black car, that i realised we were going to hitch a ride from Ant! His car is black, one of the most "lok-kok" car i've ever sat in (abit like Malaysia car which has been used more than 10 years..), and his driving skills really amuses me.. hahaaH~* The way he drives...first time driver..kinda failing badly....aahahaAH~~

Nonetheless, it felt nice.. that's he is moving fine along with life.. the car, of course, feels like he's going to use it for 2-3 years only.. He's smart. He knows what he is doing (with regards to his career). The whole car is company-paid for. FRee petrol, free carpark coupons, FREE CAR!! A temp car just for transport since he's in sales and marketing now, so he can save up abit to buy a better one when he moves up the ranks in corporate world..

Looking forward to the fishing trip in the coming weekends! 17 Oct!! Paula Ubin! Gonna go for an early trip and end at night.. :) Gonna purchase my own fishing hooks, weights... must buy my very own foldable chair as well! Awesome...can't wait for weekends to come asap!! =)

命中注定我爱你。。。

The TV serial 命中注定我爱你 just finished its showing on tv recently..and this miracle happened to me.. =) Although its a short meeting, but its truely amazing Grace from God who arranged this special day...

A week ago, Jessica (the birthday girl from the previous blog post), private messaged me on Facebook to go clubbing @ Rebel, Clark Quay. Normally, i will reject it, because i HATED clubbing...its an activity that's loud, noisy, drinks that i don't normally go for... but somehow, i agreed! And i was spontaneous and excited about trying it out! I was amazed by my own excitement about it..and have actually looked forward to going for it...! It was a strange and happy feeling...~

So, my day on Friday (2 Oct '09) was rather full. It was a school day, students having exams. I went Chinatown with a fellow colleague for a meal, walked to Clark Quay for ice cream..tired when i reach home, had to go church for a monthly gathering....BEFORE i go clubbing @ night! I should be totally exhausted (which i am), but i still decide to Want to go for it!

Before i left church, i had a quick chat with the ladies there. I was dressed quite pretty, and they thought i had a date with a guy (yes i wished...), but i revealed to them that its Girl's night out...and told them i'm still thinking about my ex-boyfriend Anthony.... They prayed over for me..and of course, i pray that he will come back to Christ..and journey together with me.. =)

So i went over Jessica's place and we left together to go Clark Quay. Met Lisa there, din managed to get into 'Rebel', and went into 'Arena' (which is another club with live band).

The moment i stepped inside, the first person i saw.....ANTHONY!!! He's the last person i expect to see! Because he doesn't like clubbing at all!! He likes pubs, but he doesn't like all the dancings! And he's with his poly classmates (all don't look happening at all lah...)

Its definitely a sign from God...

What are the odds of him appearing in places we both are not likely to appear?? I was smiling non-stop, and he seemed quite happy to see me also..and although he left early because he's tired..nonetheless i felt extremely joyful that night... until i got tipsy and went home early also..ahhaaH~

All these, makes me recall how we got back in touch.. It was the Standard Chartered Marathon 2007. I was running towards the finishing line for my first race..the 10km race...and i saw you, waving at me. It was the first meet after a very long while...a long while since my last series of hatred for you which lasted for several years... but miraclously, i couldn't feel the hate anymore.. and we talked to each other since then... Thinking back, THAT was a miracle as well... =)

Until now, i still do not know why we broke up... and i believed its his inability to commit to a true relationship. Prehaps he still want to find whether there are any better "roses" out there, before turning back to retrieve the "already quite good" rose behind him....

Hope he's not too late to turn back.. and see clearly with his heart...

命中注定我爱你。。。actually, deep in my heart, i've already regarded him as my dear husband... how am i able to ever forget him...

"Heavenly Father, hereby i asked of you, to guide Anthony back to Christ.
If it is your Holy will, please guide him back to me...
I ask this, in Jesus Christ most precious name.
Amen"

Great weekend! Hope this battery recharging lasts longer..

It was definitely a GREAT WEEKEND!!

Firstly, we had Jessica's birthday celebration @ Pasir Ris Park. We had BBQ and there were lots of good food and drinks! The "De-Silver's" style of cooking is definitely one of the best i've ever tasted! We have self-made cheese hotdogs (i made it with Aunt Cynthia), Baked cheese mussels on the grill (that's shiok!), BBQ prawns, Otah, Beef, chicken, baked corns and potatoes! Most importantly, there was Great company! Awesome! =D

And of course, Ant was there... somehow, just 3 days before this BBQ session, i had this "gut feel" that he was going to wear a red shirt. On the actual day, this feeling was even stronger. Was it because we still connect with each other? telepathy like we used to? Or its a sign from GOD? (Yes i made a proposal with God...Very thank you for your sign..) Anyway, i was indeed very happy that night.. =)

Somehow, my heart plunged to rock bottom for a few moments that night. I saw him carrying a pink tote bag. Definitely not his choice of bags to have. I was thinking, "Is it his new gf's bag?" I waited to see if the gal will appear.. i was devastated for that few secs until Mitch asked Jessica to go over to their side..." Come birthday gal! This is the gift we (Mitch, Neil and Ant) bought for you!" And so, i recovered. This incident brought me back to reality. What if i have to face this situation one day? I hope not so soon... I pray that i will never face this again...

Poster on BBQ Pit 20 lamp post!

Jeremy (Jessica's brother) is the official Chef cum Otah Man for the day!Well, guess what Neil (Our gentle giant) is doing?

He's so sweet! Pitching up a tentage for our Birthday girl!

These are shredded cheese, done by Otah man's wife, Joy!

The otahs...very nice!And there, we have our little tentage to house all of us...so sweet~ :D

Jessica and I! Gave a L'occitane cheery hand lotion as a birthday gift. ;)

I think should be quite nice, since the ingredients are mostly of natural origins.The ice cream cake is so beautiful! From Swensens! And the price is also very "beautiful"!*~Our birthday girl..~* :)

Ok..now's cake cutting time....but 5 mins have went by... Melissa's using the chilli sauce bottle as a makeshift hammer..

Now's Mitch's turn...10mins gone by... Anthony's just sitting there and watching the show all along!~~* ;P

Finally the rock solid cake started to melt..and gentle giant comes to help!

ahaAHAh~ !Let the birthday girl take the first bite.. fed by her Mum, Aunt Lorain! :)

Finally, when we're packing off...we were thinking..."who can help to remove the coil from the lamppost?" So the guys (Neil on the left, Mitch on the right, Ant on the top) get on with their fabulous team work...awesome!!

Its only 11.55pm, and we wished Jessica Happy Birthday at midnight! As we age, the BBQs, the drinking sessions gets shorter....can't tahan so long...

But of course, its REALLY very early, so we went Jessica's place to have mahjong, more food (we dialled for McDonalds) and had a few rounds of Mahjong before we went home ! :)

The Next day, which is Sunday, i went to send off my brother, Henry off to the airport. He's still immature...hope he'll learn his lesson in UK. Will sponsor his home-return tickets when he's having his termbreak..

And in the evening, i went for Mass @ St Anthony's church, saw Mitch and his brother-in-law, and we went for dinner with Neil and catch the show, Inglorious Basterds! Its a DAMN LEngthY show! Almost 3 hours long! Full of dialogues, but surprisingly, its ALL very interesting long story. The plot is real awesome as well! The director is real good. ;)

Hope this round of battery recharging lasts longer...for at least 3 weeks until end of exams!

Hope to see Ant soon again. =)

Amen.

Dull life...without him..

没有Anthony 的第375天。。。A year already.. i'm still lost.. without him...

Whenever i reach home, tired from work...fulfilling vocation in teaching, that still...never occupied my heart emptied by you... No one can fill me up like you did...

Are all circumstances against us now?... Can we ever be together again?
"第一次是偶然，第二次是必然，第三次是命中注定"...

Where is this so-called "Heaven" on earth?
As days for my pending Baptism comes nearer, journey on earth seems harder and harder...
Evil found its way to my weakness....its a tough battle...

"Jesus, you always welcomed little children when you walked on this earth. Teach me to have a childlike trust in you. To live in the knowledge that you will never abandon me."

Amen

What on Earth am i here for?

Been reading this book recently...It's small, compact..about A6 size.
Lately, i've been feeling that since i've found the right job, to teach students..education...so what's in it for me? What next? I can't see where's the end..

Its a good read! Focuses your mind, your direction, how to live life..and its only SG$2! Found it in Novena Church bookshop... =) Strongly recommend it to those who believes the existence of God..

Amen. =)

How long i wanna stay in Teaching?

After starting teaching since 28 June '09, its only 2.5 months gone!! woo!! I thought its been half a year!! hmm, time passes very very fast...and the kids are having their exams soon! Why did i think i spent a lifetime in sec sch?? 4 years seemed so long! So much memories... =)

I spoke to a fellow adjunct teacher a few days ago, and she told me how MOE retains teacher, through the CONNECT PLAN. It is separate from the annual bonuses that we usually get. I heard alot of figures, but it didn't get into my head..
So, i went online and started scanning through the benefits and renumeration of being a teacher under MOE...

AND So, i'm starting to countdown! I wanna stop teaching by 50 years old, which is 25 years from now..

CONNECT Plan Payouts
Year 1 - No payout -
Year 4 - $15,200
Year 7 - $24,000
Year 10 - $25,900
Year 15 - $36,100
Year 20 - $28,500
Year 25 - $18,500
Year 30 - $20,600

If i'm sick of teaching and wanna enjoy life, i will stop at Year 15, when the Connect Plan payout is highest at $36,100. By then, i'll be 40 years old only...and i'll convert to adjunct teaching. Easier life (with 1/2 load, 3/4 load or full teaching load to choose from), so i can enjoy both teaching and having a good life also...

Or maybe i'll convert at Year 10? If i'm fortunate enough to get married and have kids, at age 35!! ahaHah~* So,...yes..i decided to get married late...Anyway, no significant one yet also, so no hurry..I think i can spend the one-time payout in a One month Europe trip. hahaaHA~~*

HAizzZZz...

Amen.

Melissa housewarming and Aunt Cynthia's Birthday!~*

28th August 2009! Had great fun @ Lisa's place for housewarming.. ;) Arrived @ her place at 6.30pm, most of the people are not there yet..so chat with Jessica and her guy Kian..It was also Mitchell and Lisa's mum's (Aunt Cynthia) birthday party! haha~~ I really miss these gatherings..especially when they are my long long time friends... :)

We watched Michael Jackson's concert on channel 5 at 7pm...waiting for Aunt Cynthia to arrive...*hehe* Its a surprise party! I really love them all! BECAUSE they are always having surprises during events! Whether its CNY, Christmas, anyone's birthday, they are FULL OF SURPRISES!! The whole family is like this!! And their family are really affectionate people. =)

Melissa's housewarming! So She invited a Priest from St Mary of the Angels to do house blessing ...This is the Bible and Holy water used! First time i see house blessing.. =)

And Aunt Cynthia got her GIGANTIC cake for her birthday!! =)

Having wine after dinner! It was like a wine tasting session! So many wines to drink!! =)

The food was FANTASTIC as well!! I really love euasian food!!! The way they cook the beef, the mutton, the potatoes...wahHHhh...*drooling* i love their shepherd's pie the most... =)

I can't wait for the next gathering with them...its a motivating factor, always something to look forward to, to live on PASSIONATELY in life...hahaAH~~*

Neil playing with Sandy, the chiwawah jack russel mix breed.. He's pretending to bite her..ahaaAH~~*

Its 2 am... Lisa, Jessica, Joy..

Joy, (Top side) Jeremy, Kian

(Bottom) Jeffrey, Tessa-jeffrey's new gf

(Top) Anthony -yes, its him..
(Bottom) Mitchell -he's my RCIA facilitator in St Anthony's church too!!

I taught them how to play "Mafia"...Its like the game, Murder, but it has a narrator, murderers, a spy and a healer..they find it quite interesting! But tiring towards the end....and we played from 10pm to 2am in the morn! haaHAa~* Tiring..but God bless...they enjoyed it. ;) It was great fun! Especially when the guys are the ones who knows how to TALK alot..and its really enjoyable to see them having so much fun and laughter. =D

Recently, one of my churchmates, Kumar, went for a fishing competition in Malaysia...and he got 4th position!! I really miss the kelong times...yah...especially with him... Hope to go to Kelong with them again..

For now..i'm thinking of Go-kart trip in Malaysia!! And the tasty Bak Kut Teh i wanna share with them too!! Holidays coming after exams!! I'm so looking forward to meeting them again! Hope it comes soon... =D

Teachers need motivation too!

Watching "The Triumph" by Matthew Perry (One of the cast, Chandler of "FRIENDS")!

Gonna compile a list of great motivational movies for teachers! ;)

Happy Weekend!! =D

Weekends!!! =D

Looking forward to this weekend especially!!!

Just got my pay earlier than expected! First pay! and its more than what i have expected!
What i expected was just my gross pay! I didn't expect the allowance!! Quite generous of MOE.. hehe~ :)

Looking forward to the BBQ for JJAM group, my sec school gang... been missing them.. so, i'm gonna get draught beer and drink to my hearts content! *hehe* Just discovered beer can taste better than red wine, sometimes.. :P

And looking forward to WeiLin's wedding... Sorry dear, i can't be your bride's maid that day, because I CANNOT skip school lessons! Exams are coming.... so sad... but i can be there by mid day. =D

What else? Exams!! This is 7th week, next week is Common test... 3 more weeks to Sept holidays, and then 4 more weeks to exams! hehe..than mid Oct will be FREEDOM FOR ME!!! woohoo!! =D

And i wanna spend more time doing my prayers for my loved ones as well...maybe can start registering for driving lessons as well.. =) Planning to get a car within 3 years time... when my finances are good.. hehe~

I pray for more gatherings...especially with JJAM group...really miss them..especially my love...

OH well...God's will be done.

Amen.

Living faith? Living hell...

Sometimes, if not, most of the time nowadays...i think i'm living in hell...

Before getting to know about God, i was thinking that anyone who wants to die must be insane..mental.. out of their mind..

But now, after knowing that there's Life after Death, there's a Heaven waiting for us... there seems to be a good place to be.. especially when Life on Earth can be so tough...

Hm...i was thinking of writing an Eulogy, so that when i die, people will not be too sad...my parents wouldn't feel too bad if i leave them early because i wanted to go to somewhere better.

Living out the faith journey is so tough sometimes... as i pray for Anthony, the same old guy, it felt like running a never-ending marathon... when's it going to end? What's going to be the outcome? I pray for the best outcome from God...

I prayed a whole night yesterday, and prayed for God's revelation about the outcome..i had numerous dreams that, when i woke up, i couldn't remember any of it.. i guess...God's plan is still pending....further notice to be given... Yah, it should be as well, since God's handling someone whose been confused, one who has a STRONG and NEGATIVE mind, and messed up with his life all these years...

St Monica prayed for 30 years for her prodigal son, St Augustine to repent from his foolish way of life... Am i to do that as well? I pray not to... i'm not as strong as her... maximum 3 years, i think i'll be withered and expired already...

I pray that when i die, i will just die in his arms...that'll be a good farewell before i leave him to see the Father... and pray for his salvation when i'm in

heaven...be his guardian angel...

Its been a long time since the last said...

"Anthony, I Love You."

God's will be done.

Amen.

Let go and Let God

Just a year ago, 8th August '08, i was happily enjoying myself with my love...with a few close friends, at Mersing Kelong....Kelong Achech...i still remember..

I miss the good old times with him...
Let go and Let God... Lord pls take over..
If my prayer to you is working,
If i'm being faithful according to your will and not just being plain sturborn,
If my interpretations of your will is correct,
Lord...pls bring him back....

I ask this, In Jesus Christ most precious name,
Amen.

What am i looking for? Do i trust God can provide me?

Its Sunday! So naturally, its church day! Sabbath day! Our Lord's day! A day where we put aside all work, and rest... =) so sad cynthia has to work every sunday... May she pass this period of agony and pray that good times comes for her... =)

So today's gospel is on...

Scripture: John 6:1-15
After this Jesus went to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiber'i-as. And a multitude followed him, because they saw the signs which he did on those who were diseased. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there sat down with his disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a multitude was coming to him, Jesus said to Philip, "How are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?" This he said to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, "Two hundred denarii would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little." One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, "There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two fish; but what are they among so many?" Jesus said, "Make the people sit down." Now there was much grass in the place; so the men sat down, in number about five thousand. Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, "Gather up the fragments left over, that nothing may be lost." So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten. When the people saw the sign which he had done, they said, "This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world!" Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself.

Meditation:
Sometimes people de-supernaturalize John 6:1-15 with explanations such as: "The real miracle is that Jesus got the people to share the food they had brought with them", and even this: "There wasn't enough food for everyone to have their fill, but what they had was offered to everyone, and the people were just so appreciative and willing to make sacrifices that they ate very little and thus there was food left over."

The multiplication of the loaves and fish into a meal that not only satisfied everyone but was more than what they needed is an important foreshadowing of the Eucharistic banquet that we celebrate today. If we pay attention to what's going on in Eucharistic and if we take it to heart, Jesus satisfies our hungers and gives us more than we need. What did you need from him before you arrived at church? He's trying to give it to you in abundance! Receiving all that he wants to miraculously give us requires that we trust him to provide for us. We have to expect the unexpected. We have to wait on his perfect timing. But rest assured that he wants to give us more than we need.

Maybe some of the folks on that ancient hillside wanted steak instead of fish, but what they received was a Messiah who filled their hearts with more than enough faith to grow spiritually, more than enough hope to become stronger in their trials, and more than enough love to share as they went forth to reveal Christ to others. In our Liturgies of the Eucharist, there's a lot more abundance to receive from Jesus than just a little piece of bread and a sip of wine. What do you really need from Jesus? More faith? More hope? More love? It's a good idea to think about this on the way to Eucharistic so that you can participate in Eucharistic more expectantly.

Reflections:
1. The people went to Jesus because there was something missing in their lives. They were searching. Sometimes we are searching ourselves but we cannot find what we are looking for unless, we know what we are looking for. Do you know what you are searching in life?

2. The man who found a treasure in the field, sold everything he had and bought that field. What have you forsaken to find what you have been looking for in life?

3. The multiplication of fish and loaves reveal the power and depth of care Jesus has for his people. Have you allowed yourself to experience this in your life? Have you been able to give up control over your life to accept His providential care for you?

4. Do you really trust the Lord to look after you?

Hmm...this is so long................
But throughout the whole sermon and after the whole bible session, i was thinking..."What am i looking for? Do i trust God to look after me and provide me with what i need?"

The days in my current teaching career is fulfilling....but i just can't help it, but feel.......empty. Everything has been great for me, smooth sailing now, with the Lord in my heart, always with me...but i longed for my love... my ex has always been on my mind.. always, day and night, and its been such a sensitive topic that i never really wanna touch on it, except with my closest friends around who understands how i feel and why i still persist on feeling it this way...

Yes, i've been praying for his wellbeing, his overcoming of himself and coming back to receive God's love...and also prayed that if he's the One, hope that the Lord will guide him back to me.. AFter so much obstacles in relationships with different people, i get to differentiate what really meant to me, and still, being the silly sturborn girl, i believe deeply that he's the One..

After thursday session with Father Terence on Death and Resurrection, i really am believeing that JEsus will provide for me.. He wants the best for me... so if i'm not sure whether the Lord meant "he" for me, i will pray for the Lord to give me 7 signs...signs that only the Lord and I will know, which will determine whether "he" is the One.. when it works, i'll let the whole world know!

Jesus, I Trust in You. Please pray over my friends, my families, my wellbeing and especially my love..guide him back to Christ and envelope him with so much Love that he will never want to turn away from you again, ever. I ask this, in Jesus Christ most sacred name,
Amen.

Death to our old ways..Resurrect to a new life..

Haven't been updating my blogsite for a long while...been very occupied with sch work, and church stuffs... and especially when alot of things had happened in RCIA recently, its the amazing grace of God who had seen us through and grant us blessings...

Alot of people in St Anthony's church have prayed over for us Catechumens in RCIA Chronicles. Wanna thank them so much...people like Uncle Andrew (My big teddy bear uncle!) and Aunt Daisy, Rofina (My future Catechist mentor!! *hehe* wanna teach young children like her), and my coming-to-be Godparents (Dear Aunt Carol and Uncle Jeffrey)....Our group underwent a crisis, and we managed to pull through after 1 week of prayer!!! Praise the Lord!

Ever since i started RCIA, I was so sure that i will go through the whole process until i get baptised, until a few weeks ago, certain events started to plague the whole group...we underwent a dark period..and gradually, i began to realise that evil really exist and its trying to break us Catechumens who desires to be baptised in Jesus' name, next year during Easter. It was a chaotic period which lasted for 3 weeks, before we pulled through...a period of Death and Resurrection. We came back together as a whole group, and even had full attendance on thursday for our RCIA session (usually "The Sarah Kumar" will be missing..haha)! Thank you God for blessing us... Thank you Lord for granting the many miracles i've witnessed and hear about all these while...

Father Terence gave a wonderful teaching about the topic on Death and Resurrection...

The part that captivated me was the teaching that...God is omnipotent...God knows everything..

God knows our lives...God has plans for each of us..God is present in our past, present and future...What do i mean by that?

E.g. A woman lives a life of sadness, gets married in her 30s, gets divorced, lands herself into a huge financial debt... So since God knows everything, and He is in our past, present and future, Did God planned for it?

The answer is....NO. God is merciful and kind, He did not give us this kind of plan. It is ourselves who willed our own plans.. We, man, willed our sad story. God is almighty, and he loves us so much, that he gave us FREEDOM to live our lives. HE, indeed does have a plan for every single one of us, and if we CHOOSE to listen intently about what he wants to say to us, we will be able to lead a happy life....in God's grace.. =)

Why did bad things happen to us? Why did God not do anything to help us?
Bad things, events happens, when we go according to our OWN will... being sturborn..being arrogant, unforgiving, unable to let go of anger, hatred, sins, and we suffer...

God's knowing, does not determine what we do.

God's will is for us to be with Him. If we choose not to be, then we may end up suffering...Suffering is planned by us, not God. All consequences is due upon us when we chose to be egostic and do our will...and we cant blame God for our free will.

Human lives moment by moment, i.e, 8pm..9pm, 10pm, today, tomorrow.. BUT God is present at all these times.. He knows what is going to happen with every decision we make. He transcends time and space. God loves us so much, that he sets us free to do whatever we want to do..And when we do bad things, he actually knows what will happen in our future... God can only help us when we CHOOSE to listen to him... and He will guide us out of our DEATHS....

What exactly is Death, in this context?
Unforgiveness is death, anger is death, hatred is death, arrogance is death, pride is death, being sorrowful is death. Are we stuck in our sad pathetic ways? If we are, we are dead!

We must be open to Life. Every area of life must be open to new inspiration, new choices, new doors, so that we are open to Life...so that we can resurrect from the death.

Do we want to choose to continue to keep hitting, banging walls by our own will, or be open to changes, and will ourselves to the good plans of God?

When did Jesus begin to save us?
This was the question that one of us Catechumen asked Father Terence.

He said, "The moment when Jesus saved us, was when he came down from heaven, to earth and was born as a man." Man is raised to the level with God. Man, of course is not God, but God is with us now. What i'll like to think is, The Love story of God truly began when Jesus descended unto Earth...

How deep is your experience with God's Love?.. What i can really say is, the moment when you begin to understand his love, that's Salvation. This happens when we are prepared to move out of death.

To experience Love, you must experience You.
Admit to yourself, face yourself, come to terms with who you are.

Face death, know what it is, and come to resurrection.

There will be no resurrection until there is acknowledgment. Until we acknowledge ourselves who we are, we are unable to love ourselves and experience the Love of God.

Without Death, the Resurrection doesn't happen.

If there was no resurrection of Jesus, there wouldn't be Christianity. Jesus was risen by Himself and by no one else. His resurrection, all that was said by him, is verified. New life is offered.

Now, i truly understood why us Catechumens in RCIA have to go through a 22 months process before getting baptised. Father wants us to go through a series of conversion, going through the many deaths and resurrection...death to our old ways and be reborn to a new life... I begin to witness the changes in our people..and this is amazing...

We, as Catholics, do not believe in fate. If there is fate and predestination, there is NO FREEDOM, NO LOVE. Only with Freedom, there is Love. Now i understood more about the saying, "If you love someone, set him free. If he is yours to be with, he will come back to you.." This is God's love for us.. He waits for us to come back to him.

Many people have been asking me, "Why did i chose to become a Catholic?" I've never given a thought about it...but now, i only have an answer..

"Because i realised that God really loves me. Jesus loves us all.."

My sponsored child - Jae Mae..~*

My first letter from my sponsored child - Jae Mae!!!

She's from Philippines, and i sponsored her through an organisation called World Vision.I've got so much to talk about her, but first and foremost, must write back to her!! :)

A Proper start to my Teaching career!!

Finally!! I've started on my teaching career!
Nearly "bwang" last week, which is my first week of teaching. First lesson into the class, i panicked...and my teaching sequence all wrong! what an ass... what's more? I'm teaching Normal Academic Sec 1, and they are using EXPRESS maths textbook!!

Why? It was said that, whoever can score 75% and above for sec 1 NA class, they can opt to go to sec 2 express next year...wow...the burden's on me to get them UP! whoever wants to go express stream....

Have learnt alot from my school mentor, also my Maths HOD, Mr. Chong..he's a GREAT teacher mentor. Every teacher adviced me to be tough on them on the very first lesson, to show them who is the BOSS in charge...so second day when i went in, i gave them all a list of "CLASS ROOM MANAGMENT" list.. telling them who i am, what i expect of the class, and also, my temper to those who dares to step on my toes, etc. It proved quite effective! So i can tone up or down anytime i want already, because i told them i'm the Military person..teacher in charge for Military band...used to teach the woodwinds in school in yr 2007 as well...ahaaAAH~*

If anyone don't finish my work and hand in on time, if the number crosses 5 person in a single work, MORE homework for ALL!! That's "One for All, ALL for One.." hahaAHa~~*

HAve to be REALLY discipline to do coursework over the term, because nobody's gonna regularly check my work! Its literally having NO BOSS and alot of disciples (students) under you!!! Only alot of meetings sometimes, i heard. So, i'm gonna be real disciplined now, after slacking for quite a long time...

Been watching this show, "Supernatural" online..Its a real AWESOME SHOW!!!!

Staring Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester (the elder brother) and Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester (the younger brother). I love Dean more, the bad boy, gutsy dude!! but i think i really like Sam's height, and especially his intellect too! hahaAH~*

The whole story is about the supernatural forces, demons and ghosts are the main ones who appears in season 1 to 3, but in season 4, FINALLY the Angels are coming out!!! Woohoo! All the while i was wondering when's God, Angels coming...stylo show~
Gonna finish off season 4 soon before i start getting late nights again!

My Saint Name from..St Clare of Assisi

Every Catholic going to be baptised after going through RCIA is supposed to have a middle name, preferrably from a Saint.

So after checking it out, i decided to use "Clare" instead..wanted to find any Saints with the name Clara, but nil..nonetheless, i find St Clare of Assisi really good..

We have to research about the Saint's life, therefore here's her story.. :)

Saint Clare of Assisi, born Chiara Offreduccio (July 16, 1194 – August 11, 1253) is an Italian saint and one of the first followers of Saint Francis of Assisi. She founded the Order of Poor Ladies, a monastic religious order for women in the Franciscan tradition. Following her death, the order she founded was renamed in her honor as the Order of Saint Clare, commonly referred to today as the Poor Clares.

St. Clare of Assisi was a beautiful Italian noblewoman, born in Assisi, Umbria, as the eldest daughter of Favorino Scifi, Count of Sasso-Rosso and his wife Ortolana. Ortolana was a very devout woman who had undertaken pilgrimages to Rome, Santiago de Compostela and the Holy Land. Later on in her life, Ortolana entered Clare's monastery. Although many commentators state that Clare heard St. Francis preaching in the streets of Assisi about his new mendicant order (then newly approved by Pope Innocent III) and was moved by his words, there is no explicit evidence for this in the sources.

On March 20, 1212, Clare's parents had decided she would marry a wealthy young man. In desperation Clare escaped her home and sought refuge with St. Francis, who received her into religious life.

Clare lived for a very brief period in a nearby Benedictine monastery of nuns, San Paolo delle Abadesse, and then again for a short period at a house of female penitents, Sant'Angelo in Panza on Monte Subasio. Her sister Agnes of Assisi also left her parents and followed Clare to Sant'Angelo.

Clare and Agnes soon moved to the church of San Damiano, which Francis himself had rebuilt. Other women joined them there, and San Damiano became known for its radically austere lifestyle. The women were at first known as the "Poor Ladies".

San Damiano became the focal point for Clare's new religious order, which was known in her lifetime as the "Order of San Damiano." San Damiano was long thought to be the first house of this order, however, recent scholarship strongly suggests that San Damiano actually joined an existing network of women's religious houses organized by Hugolino (who later became Pope Gregory IX). Hugolino wanted San Damiano as part of the order he founded because of the prestige of Clare's monastery. San Damiano emerged as the most important house in the order, and Clare became its undisputed leader. By 1263, just ten years after Clare's death, the order became known as the Order of Saint Clare.

Saint Clare miraculously intervenes to save a child from a wolf, in this panel by Giovanni di Paolo, 1455.Unlike the Franciscan friars, whose members moved around the country to preach, Saint Clare's sisters lived in enclosure, since an itinerant life was hardly conceivable at the time for women. Their life consisted of manual labour and prayer.

For a time the order was directed by Francis himself. Then in 1216, Clare accepted the role of abbess of San Damiano. As abbess, Clare had more authority to lead the order than when she was the prioress, who had to follow the orders of a priest heading the community. Clare defended her order from the attempts of prelates to impose a rule on them that more closely resembled the Rule of St Benedict than Francis' stricter vows. Clare sought to imitate Francis' virtues and way of life so much so that she was sometimes titled alter Franciscus, another Francis. She also played a significant role in encouraging and aiding Francis, whom she saw as a spiritual father figure, and she took care of him during his illnesses at the end of his life, until his death in 1226.

After Francis's death, Clare continued to promote the growth of her order, writing letters to abbesses in other parts of Europe and thwarting every attempt by each successive pope to impose a Rule on her order which watered down the radical commitment to corporate poverty she had originally embraced. She did this despite the fact that she had endured a long period of poor health until her death.

On August 9, 1253, the Papal bull Solet annure of Pope Innocent IV confirmed that Clare's Rule would serve as the governing rule for Clare's Order of Poor Ladies. Two days later, on August 11, Clare died at the age of 59. Her remains were interred at the chapel of San Giorgio while construction of a church to hold her remains was being constructed.

Basilica of Saint Clare, Assisi.

On August 15, 1255, Pope Alexander IV canonized Clare as Saint Clare of Assisi. Construction of the Basilica of Saint Clare was completed in 1260, and on October 3 of that year Clare's remains were transferred to the newly completed basilica where they were buried beneath the high altar. In further recognition of the saint, Pope Urban IV officially changed the name of the Order of Poor Ladies to the Order of Saint Clare in 1263.

Some 600 years later in 1872, Saint Clare's remains were transferred to a newly constructed shrine in the crypt of the Basilica of Saint Clare where they can still be seen today.

Pope Pius XII designated her as the patron saint of television in 1958, on the basis that when she was too ill to attend Mass, she had reportedly been able to see and hear it on the wall of her room. The Eternal Word Television Network (EWTN) was founded by a Poor Clare nun, Mother Angelica.

In art, Clare is often shown carrying a monstrance or pyx, in commemoration of the time when she warded away the soldiers of Fredrick II at the gates of her convent by displaying the Blessed Sacrament and kneeling in prayer.

Lake Saint Clair and the Saint Clair River in the Great Lakes region of North America were named on her feast day August 12, 1679. In the Tridentine Calendar her feast day is celebrated as a Double on August 13. It was changed to a Third-Class Feast in 1960 (see General Roman Calendar of 1962), and in the 1969 calendar became an obligatory Memorial celebrated on the day of her death, August 11. Although her body is no longer claimed to be incorrupt, her skeleton is displayed in Assisi.

And so, my middle name is Clare....~* ;)

Carine and Cheng Yong's Wedding Day - 14 Jun 09

It was a memorable day.
Our good friend since BT Band days, Carine is getting married!! After 7 long years of courtship!!The first in our JJAM group to get married!!! :)

And as a wedding gift (i still received angbao for helping..haha~*), i helped to do up their wedding montage which took me great pains to complete within 3 days!!!

I had to go to band practice in Westspring, go church at night for St Anthony's Feast Day triduum for 4 nights, and also help out with the cooking for St Anthony's Feast Day Food and Funfair!! So Tired!! So i couldn't have more time to do up a more brilliant than ever Montage, but i think it's still up to standard, at least alot teared when they saw it and felt very touched. *hehe* Can hire me to do up some wedding montage next time! ;)

Their wedding venue is @ The Legends, Fort Canning and they spent more than $20,000 on the wedding itself!! Is that cheap or expensive?? I dunno, but i think its quite a standard price to pay..so better save up for it! ;)

But no one can be as tired as the Bride and Bridegroom..hahahaAH`~* Carine was telling me that she's just very tired (she's always a calm person), while Cheng Yong was very gan chiong..haHAha~~* She also proudly announced that she is 15weeks pregnant!! I'm gonna be God-ma soon!!! woohoo!!

The wedding cake tower and champage tower are real nice!!

Free Poloroid for Michelle and I! ;)

While seating at our table, we were wondering.."Whose wedding will we be attending next?" Must be Elsie's, since she's got a boyfriend of 4 years already...and she mentioned that it will likely be 3 years later that she'll get hitched. ;) Its really touching seeing your own friend moving on to the next stage in life..Where 2 bodies becomes 1 and procreation begins.. :)

I seriously love the shot glass and passport cover!! Actually each of us should take just either of one, but since Jason couldn't make it to the event that day, i just took extra! *hehe*

(From Left): Zi Xian, Elsie and I

Group photo with the newly wedded couple, Cheng Yong and Carine!

Before leaving, i took a quick shot with Carine!

Brides are really beautiful on their wedding night...I'm really looking forward to this day, in future... God bless me with a good loving husband... Amen! :)

Congrats to the newly wedded couple again!! May both have a healthy and obedient baby soon! ;)

God's Answers

Got this somewhere from the internet...very nice~* ;)

For all the negative things we say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for it.

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 and John 13:34)

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 and Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8 )

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28 )

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 and Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him." (Nahum 1:7)

Remember this: When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something!!!

Bless us O Lord, may we be able to keep this day holy. May your grace be always with us and all our loved ones. We asked this, in Jesus Christ most precious name. Amen.

Sweet dream~ :)

I had, finally, a sweet dream today...during afternoon nap. So sweet that i didn't want to wake up and go for RCIA session.. haha~*~

I just dreamt that he reconciled with me, and that we're back together. I can't remember what happened in the dream, but i just woke up feeling very happy...as if it was real... i missed the happy moments.. :)

Coincidentally, during RCIA session today, we discussed about "Repentance and Growth"!

We've got a scenario that we need to act out.

A family with 2 children, which consist of a faithful husband and strayed wife who had a lover...

We have to come up with the ending of the stories..

So, Sarah, one of the Catechumens, told us a real life story.

There was a charming man with a beautiful wife, and a baby boy. Subsequently, the wife fall in love with an ugly man (we don't know how it happened). When all things seems lost, the faithful husband prayed all these while, for a miracle to happen. That is, for his wife to come back to him.

For 6 months, he's been praying hard. And it happened. She really did come back to him. This story is very short, and details were not given (because we were told just to act out a scenario). But this is a true real life story of a repentant wife who come back to her forgiving husband.

So, what does this mean to me?

Have faith!! Pray for a miracle...when all seems lost, turn towards God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and away from sin.. I'm really gonna pray more Novenas, more daily prayers for this BIGGEST miracle to happen in my life..that he gets enlightened by the Father, Son and Holy Spirit..and come back to Christ..and if it is the Lord's Holy will, back to me as well..

The whole story also depicts the faithful man as the Holy Trinity, the wife as Believers, the 3rd party as Satan/Man/Power/Money/Control,etc. A Conversion must be present for Believers, to turn away from evil, and towards the Father through Jesus. It is then, Reconciliation will occur...for people to acknowledge love, confess all sins and have an absolution to stay away from sins.

Starting from Moss' time, people have been turning away and coming back to God, time to time. E.g. Moss times, Prophet's time where Hosea marries Harlot Gomen, Ezekiel's time..and John the Baptist, who is known for his baptism of repentance, when the Kingdom of God is at hand...

Really need to go and read up on the parts stated above...because i haven't started reading the Old Testement!! hahaaHA~~*

Its been sometime when i last felt inspired by God. Does this RCIA session signal anything to me? A sign by God? will pray for the gift of Discernment..

God's will be done.

Amen.

Crucifix instead of Cross...

Been watching movies regarding Christ..

1) Passion of the Christ
2) Jesus of Nazareth
3) Bible series...on Jesus

All by different actors, with some differences on how they bring out the story regarding Jesus' life...All had Jesus' Passion...the Crucifixion on the cross.. and the resurrection..

I have a cross, which is made of white gold..been loving it, and wearing it since day 1 when i received it..

I didn't understand the meaning of having Jesus on the cross, looking sorrowful...i was thinking, "Why can't we carry a cross by ourselves, like imitating Jesus, like we are carrying a little cross in this cruel world, and striving to be Christ-like?" I did not like his sad fate, so i justified with myself that a simple cross will signify a devotion for him.

After watching the movies these days, it started to dawn upon me, the importance of the cruxific..I been reading articles online, which really enlightens me and explains how i've been feeling...

"Give me the crucifix over the cross"
At this time of year, as Holy Week approaches, I’m reminded of the embarrassment of the crucifix. The Protestant churches of my youth and today usually have crosses, not crucifixes. It’s not the same. In fact, I think it’s a problem.

As G. K. Chesterton once explained, the Protestant who dismisses the dying Christ may, in the end, become satisfied with a dead cross. “To salute the Cross in that sense is literally to bow down to wood and stone.” Such an idea is surprising to Protestants, because we thought it was Catholics who worshiped idols. But the salvation by faith alone preached by Luther sometimes looks like a faith in faith, a way of living in the head that replaces the Catholic understanding of the church as the vehicle of salvation.

St. Paul said that the cross of Christ would be a stumbling block to some, and salvation to others. “Is the flesh which was crucified become as poison to the crowds in the street, or is it as a strong gladness and hope to them, as the first flower blossoming out of the earth’s humus?” wrote D. H. Lawrence in The Rainbow.

Protestant crosses replaced Catholic crucifixes long ago in an effort to emphasize the Resurrection. I remember in my own very protestant churches as a child, we never heard sermons or lessons on the cross during Holy Week that did not, in some way, reveal the resurrection. Whereas a Catholic would literally darken the sanctuary from Maundy Thursday evening until the Easter vigil service, we would preach Good Friday as if it was Easter Sunday. The lessons of the sacrifice, the bloody lynching that was the crucifixion, the pain and sorrow and despair of the human Christ, were lost to us. In some profound ways, the cross by itself was for us an embarrassment, foolishness, a stumbling block.

The cross is without the corpus, or body, of Jesus. Spare crosses lack the mess and misery. I’m drawn to the corpus—even the bloodiness—of the old-fashioned crucifix. Not even those sanitized Jesuses hanging blithely with peace-loving eyes will do. The ancient church tried to distance themselves from the suffering of Christ; it wasn’t until about the sixth century that Christians felt able to take ownership of the Crucifixion. Only at that time, do we see religious art and image portraying the suffering Christ.

I prefer a crucifix to a cross. Whether it is made of plaster, plastic, wood or iron, a crucifix is not merely a metaphor. I want to learn to be comfortable in its embarrassment. May I someday more fully know the Christ who knew what it was like to be unwanted and despised.“God’s folly is wiser than human wisdom, and God’s weakness is stronger than human strength.” (1 Cor. 1: 25).

I want to remember that Jesus came down to earth, to save us from our sins, to reconcile us with God our Father in Heaven, and died for us so that we may live. Whenever i see the scene when Jesus was being tortured and scourged, every sin by us signified a lash of the cruel whip unto His body..

It is a cruel world out there, where alot of people lived without souls, with only money as their God, being slaves to money... I pray that people will remember who Jesus suffered and died for, to become resurrected from any of their current souless life, and live in the Kingdom of Christ Love for us all. Having Jesus on the cross, a crucifix is not merely a metaphor; it is the symbol of the most important historical event in history.

"Lord Jesus, take my life and make it wholly pleasing to you. Sanctify me in your truth and guide me by your Holy Spirit that I may follow you faithfully wherever you lead."

Amen.

Paranoid...

Had a terrible dream last night...

Ended at 6.15am when i was awaken by the alarm clock...

When i went back to sleep, another similar dream attacked me...

I'm guessing its the devils playing afool with my dreams..

But then again, i provided them the opportunity to attack me...

The RCIA process is in such a way, that in this 22 months process, our status changes from Inquirier ==> Catechumens ==> Elects ==> Neophytes (Newly Baptised Catholics, lasting a year)==> Catholics!

The RCIA have told me that when we become Elects (about 1 month away from being baptised), alot of strange, weird things will happen. The people in my Alpha group told me that when they were elects, all had different experiences.. My soon-to-be Godpa, Jeffrey, kena strange scratches all over his body, like cat scratches..My soon-to-be Godma, Carol, had bad relationships with her family...started quarreling, etc. It always happens to Elects.. that's really a test to these people..that's why some people didn't get baptised at the VERY last min because they were so afraid..

Anyway, i dreamt that i was to attend my ex boyfriend's wedding... *sad sad*

I couldn't see the bride's face...it was a small simple very Chinese function..i was on my own, No Mitchell, No Neil around, ... I was so sad that i run out of the function room..

It was a familiar feeling..when my best girlfriend in sec sch was together with Anthony(we were childish back then..).. The sourish feel in the heart... And he came chasing out to explain why he got married, said that i hated him in the emails i've sent to him, so he got back with his previous ex girlfriend.. And i tried to explain that i didn't hate him at all..blar blar blar...and then....

He pulled out his cigarette box, lit one up, placed one cigarette into my hands (signalling me to smoke with him), grabbed both my wrist and said, "So...do you want me to go away with you?"..

SUDDENLY, Father Terence appeared on my left!!!!

(This is really Father Terence!!)

He said to me, " He is already married, do not go with him. Thou must not commit adultery.."

And my alarm clock rang...

This dream is sooOOOOoOoO frightening...

I think this is the last thing i ever want to happen...

If he ever gets married, i will doubt that i will attend. I will run far far away, go to Vatican and stay for awhile before coming back to Singapore..

This dream is also not reflective of Anthony in real life.. He will NEVER ask me to lit up a cigarette, will never ask me to smoke with him! So i was suspecting that the devils are playing with my minds when i am weak...(when i am missing him sometimes...BUT i'm ok ah..don't come asking me how i am..) ..

And God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit within, came in the form of Father Terence to assist me! hahHAa~~* God knows that i really treat Father Terence as a great mentor in life.

I forgot my second dream already by now..but it wasn't as terrifying as the first..

HaizzZz~

4 Years and 3 Months from now, August 2013, will i really get married?

Where's the man?

I'm really looking forward to form the family group in church with my current facilitators and RCIA group mates..all the kids can play and have fun together while the parents slack around, relax by the pool having bbq..

- God will send that special someone forward in His Time...Lord. let it be according to your way, and not my way..

Amen! =)

Slave or Best Friend of God?

Scripture: John 15: 9-17

9 As the Father had loved Me, so have I loved you; abide in My Love. 10If you keep my commandments, you will abide in My Love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His Love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that My Joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. 12"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no man than this, that a may lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in My Name, He may give it to you. 17This I command you, to love one another..

Meditation:

Servanthood is the mark of true Christian living. Jesus emphasized it during the Last Supper, saying that He came not to be served, but to serve, and that likewise we should serve one another. In His parables, He often referred to believers as "servants" of the Kingdom.

But in this Gospel reading, Jesus says that He wants us to be His friends, not His slaves. Is He contradicting Himself?

Not at all! Friends serve because they care. Slaves serve because of duty and fear of punishment. Jesus said, "If you keep My commandments, you will remain in My Love." Do we hear this as a friend or a slave?

Slaves are afraid of what will happen if they fail to keep their master's command; they are self-protective. Friends are eager to find out what God commands, because they view the commandments from the perspective of love, as opportunities to serve; they are otheroriented.

Jesus said, "This is my commandment: Love one another the way I love you." It's the supreme commandment; call it the Commandment of Friendship. He says, "You know how I love you, my friends: I openly share with you everything that the Father tells me." His friends realize that what He shares (through the scripture and through the Church) reveals the opportunities to love that we seek. Every commandment is rooted in love. Every Church teaching is based on love.

When we fail to obey, do we lose God's love? Never! Do we lose our place in His Love? Yes. By living outside of His commandments, we feel unloved even while being loved.

This is slavery. We're enslaved by fear or by false beliefs or by our wounds that have caused us to think that we're not loved enough. God's commands then feel confining, and if we try to escape, we commit rebellion. Those who don't rebel accept their slavery and obey dutifully in the hope of winning God's love.

Friends, on the other hand, know that God always loves them, and in this love, they are free to serve one another joyfully.

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During the sermon, Father Terence mentioned something about Love, that i will never want to forget..

Love, is an overly abused, misused, overused word ever. In his journey in the process of priesthood, alot of times, he was taught to re-examine, re-educate himself on the meanings of words..

People talk about how much they "Love" their new car, how much they "love" their shoes, their bags, their possessions..they "love" their pets! But are they willing to die for what they love?

Love concerns a sacrifice... The word, Love, should only be used on people. People that you are willing to lay down your life for, just like what Jesus did by laying down his life to carry the sins of the World. Jesus's Passion really shows us what is the greatest Love of all...

I've been dreaming of having a family, whenever i see Victoria with her kids, Bernard with his daughter and wife, and how many of my friends getting married with their longtime sweethearts...OhhhH man... how i used to be afraid of the word "marriage"...It just meant "fear of the unknown"!

After getting to know about Christ's Love, it sort of opens up my mind about the whole thing on beauty of marriage, the union of two, that a man is only half a person without the other half, a being is only complete with two flesh becoming one.. and NOW I don't even have anyone with me! *sad sad*..

Thinking about my past relationships... i am sure, very sure, that i really loved Anthony. Not even Charles or Francis fit the criteria of me truly loving them... Anthony could have been a great husband, should he have been a Christ-like man...He is so lost... Only when he's back with Christ, then i'll see Miracle... Even if he's not destined with me, i'll pray for him to be reconciled with Christ...

Nonetheless, God's will be done. I'll go according to the path Lord our Father is going to direct me to...Lord, let it be according to your way, and not my way...

Amen.

What's a prayerful life like?..Part 1

I've been pondering..."What exactly is a prayerful life?"...

I've been trying my best to logicalise the purpose of prayers..in a theorical manner. Some ways to make it understandable and for laymen to easily remember its purpose.

What does a prayerful life do? In the most sensible form...that actually makes sense to laymen, to people of other religion, to non-prayerful people, to non-church goers, to non-believers of Christ, to free-thinkers...

How exactly does a prayerful Life work in everyone's lives?

Perhaps i'll just have this as a start...a Part 1 to my blog on prayers..because i know so little of my faith in Christ...

1. Prayers allows me to focus on ELTs....

Every Little Things in Life.. and recognise certain things really happens as a miracle.

E.g. A friend of mine, who is a catechism teacher in our church, sustained quite a bad fall 2 weeks back. She was walking towards the bus stop, and she saw the bus coming! She told herself to calm down, don't run, and just walked fast. BUT STILL....She tripped and fell flat on her face! Her fall was so bad, that she had open wounds with part of her skin on her hand torn out, her toes also suffered bruises..

But you know what?? Instead of cursing and swearing like everyone else normally would do, she prayed and thank God that she did not suffer anything worse than this...

2. Prayers puts our Life into a positive perspective...

And continuing from the previous example, it is like a paradigm change, a RADiCAL change.

The word RAdical, comes from the word, "root". A change from the insides of yourselves, a fundamental change. If you're used to a pessismestic life, where you curse each weekday morning, have monday blues, swear at anyone who crosses your path on your bad day, when disasters befall upon you and you blame everyone but yourself...start to pray...pray for reflections, meditate, pray for people who have lives who seemed worse that yourselves, etc..

3. Prayers makes me appreciate things i've always taken for granted...

The prayers before meals, has always been symbolical to me, whenever i have a good time on my own, or with church friends to pray our meals together. Its marks Respect for the food that we have, and also, that the animals we have eaten, for their souls to depart through the mercy of Christ our Lord. Whatever pains and torments they have gone through, May they enter Heaven and enjoy a life everlasting with Lord our Father.

4. Prayers as a group, made me more aware of the World issues and pray for the Good...

When we are in the Eucharistic celebrations (Mass), or during RCIA sessions or talks, sometimes Father will talk about World issues and relate it to what our fundamental values in Christ teachings are..

E.g. The AWARE issue.. The whole thing about sexual education etc.. It is only until the Christifideles Laici talk which was held by Father Terence, that i realised that the Pope once asked our ArchBishop Nicholas Chia, "Why is it that Singapore didn't have a Peace and Justice centre??"

The Peace and Justice centre is a non-profit institution which works on the interconnected issues of economic and racial justice, peace, and human rights through education, advocacy, training, non-violent activism and community organizing. Our SINGAPORE government has SHUT IT DOWN! In...God knows when?? I don't say that i support the once-new leaders of AWARE, but they were truely modern-time martyers for good cause in the process..If they had not bring up the case about the standards of sexual education in Singapore, MOE would still be living in a state of.."Everything is goody and alright" kinda mentality...

5. Prayers allows me to find strength in whatever weakness i am in or having...

I feel weak whenever i start thinking how sad my dear's life has been, and seeing how he is still living in his own world, living by the day, unsure about his future.. I do not know how to help him, but just pray for him daily over the mornings (whenever i wake up and prepare for sch, i think of him..) over the night (before sleep) and random times (whenever i encounter some things interesting, he will just pop into my mind, and i wanna share with him), and during intercessary prayers (especially during St Anthony's Novena..my special intentions for him)..

Dear Lord, our Father in Heaven, help me with my little faith...

Holy Saint Anthony please assist in interceding my prayers to Jesus...

Inspire the Holy Spirit in him and bring him back to Christ...

Thank you, in Jesus Christ most precious name,

Amen.

www.myprettycreations.blogspot.com

I've just purchased a sweet pair of earrings from this lady called Elizabeth! This item is called "Paris Trip"! So sweet and exquisite!!!!~ I really love it!!! ;)

Her website is @ www.myprettycreations.blogspot.com!!
Although her price range is alittle high, her creations are really unique and materials are of real PREMIUM quality! Suitable for people who have sensitive skin! That's why i love her works. ;)

I have some of her items which ranges from $4 to $15 ONLY as well, but she doesn't display them as it takes alot of time to upload all the items that she makes.

I have invited her to come and set up a stall her the St Anthony's Feast Day at my church, but due to miscommunications with my group, they have decided to specialise in a western dessert stall that day, so i am so apologetic to leave her out from the funfair..So........I'll be asking her to pass me some of her pretty creations so i can promote to all my dearest ladies!!!

Check out her blog to find out more!! ;)

Bless this sweet lady Elizabeth.

God's will be done.

Amen.