I'm grateful to be.........ME

I am grateful to visit a great friend, love consultant, Beth @ her place, The Dating Loft.

Finally, someone is able to tell me what i have been suffering from the past 8 years.

I am a typical pisces, a perfectionist, who dreamt about the perfect prince charming, my knight in shinning armour. I dreamt of having my first guy as my lifetime partner. That was when i was still 16 years old. I really believed i could.

I made a wrong decision back then, to be with a man who doesn't know how to love, and made himself a miserable man desperate for love. I fell into the loveless trap and my dreams shattered.

An impactful sentence Beth told me, "I've never seen you happy all the times in WBG.. why?"

I know, i remember when was the last time i am happy. I was the happiest in B.T Band, in sec sch days. It was before my first relationship back in secondary 4. It was heart-breaking. Deep down, i knew i never got really happy after that.

I never forgived myself for my wrong decision. I was never truly happy since then. A choice to never forgive myself for my wrong move. I knew i was gonna suffer but i followed that wrong path. Even more undeserving of forgiveness. That was what i reaffirmed myself back then.

Today, i decide that i want to forgive myself and be truly happy again, like old times. Old people like Kumar, daniel, jason, they all missed the smily annie (haha, dun laugh ah, u guys!) . I am always better able to laugh and smile when i'm with them.

Beth gave me 3 homework.
1) To spend time with myself, and forgive myself for my wrong decision 8 years ago.
2) To list out what i used to like in an idealistic guy, compare with a list i have to also make, about having a down-to-earth guy instead. (Because i have to stop living in a perfect world and come back down to earth)
3) To really treat myself to something good. That i have always wanted and i have deprived myself of.

I did the 3rd first. Met up with Daniel and Kumar...really loved being with them. Makes me so relaxed and at ease. Kumar told me tat his mum's feeling much better taking Indinine while having chemotherapy. I feel so relieved and blessed. =)

My next blog will be on my list of comparison between having a ideal guy, vs. a down-to-earth guy. ;) (paused on franchise trading for a while!)