This is a good start to a Lunar new year... the end of a one-sided relationship, the start on a whole new level... i used to like this guy very much.. for 3 whole years i've been longing for his love. But, its unrequited love. I felt alot sadder than that time i confessed for the 3rd time and getting rejected again ( That's pure Courage).
I was still quite sad, this kind of sadness happened abt 4 years ago, which seems so familiar. This sort of "pity myself, live in bitter sorrow.." kind of thing.. and thinking about it, i know that i have to change. I cannot go back to the past and get sad and sadder like last time. This time, i didn't let saddness overcome me.
I went back home, and took out my POV cards. WoW!! All my few thousand of dollars into PoV courses didn't go to waste!!! Did a 3 card reading and here's what i got...
The first card: Holding on
I have been holding on to him for how long? 3 years only and it seems like eternality. Just short 3 years, but i can remember so much things about everything.. This is also the very first card i got when i first played the PoV card. Yes, i am using him to hold myself back from reality, from facing the fact that i have low self esteem, low confidence about myself, etc.
It is my attempt to live in the past. I want to live like this, secretly loving someone and not getting him as my partner, because i fear moving forward. There is a fundamental distrust in the process of life because of what has occurred, but if we don't let go we will lose our attractiveness, become dependent and move towards death instead of life.
If i choose to let go and move on, the other person may come back at a new level( a better friend whom i can really talk heart to heart to, which i never really did with him), or someone else may appear who represents the next stage in our lives. Letting go is the fastest ways to grow. We simply stop holding on to whatever attachment or fantasy we had; in this way we open ourselves to life and moce on, so that life can begin to unfold again.
Now, i wanna let go, and enjoy a much healthier and happier relationship, and i choose to do it this way. (Maybe its better for him to go with another gal now, because we're stuck at no where also lah..)
The second card: Communication
I really loved him as a friend. He's most of the time, there when i need him.
Communication can be used effectively to end separation and re-establish bonding where it has been lost.
If we commit to becoming experts in Communication, it can help in all our relationships. Good communication can end both power struggles and 'deadness' in relationships, helping us to connect with our friends, family, co-workers and partners.
Let go of the judgement and blame that sabotages your Communication (well, i used to really have bad judgement on myself, like i cant communicate to this guy i liked...)and your ability to express yourself. Your Communication skills can help you progress and change, no matter how others respond to you.
Receiving this card signals that some significant sharing is about to take place. This can lead you close to another person and can help you to move forward from your current position.
i hope that we can become better friends =)
The third card: Responsiveness
A gift that brings success.
By attending directly to another person, and to their needs or wants, we also open ourselves to Responsiveness from others.
This cards speaks of love and attention fiven with pleasure.... Responsiveness, in summary, is a generous, tender act, warmly given and you are about to experience this through giving or receiving or both.
(I seriously dun really know how to interpret this...i guess as time comes, i'll know what's it.. )
I wanna retire financially like Arthur Yap, within 4 years with a self-run organisation, go and do what i envisage to do. Charity works starting with South-east asia, Asia and the Third World nations...
My Lunar New Year 2008 resolution:
To wear more skirts!! Change my wardrobe!! 80% more time wearing skirts!!!
(Actually i'm just plain sick of wearing pants..i wanna be more feminie. That's all) ;)
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