What am i looking for? Do i trust God can provide me?

Its Sunday! So naturally, its church day! Sabbath day! Our Lord's day! A day where we put aside all work, and rest... =) so sad cynthia has to work every sunday... May she pass this period of agony and pray that good times comes for her... =)

So today's gospel is on...

Scripture: John 6:1-15
After this Jesus went to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiber'i-as. And a multitude followed him, because they saw the signs which he did on those who were diseased. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there sat down with his disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a multitude was coming to him, Jesus said to Philip, "How are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?" This he said to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, "Two hundred denarii would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little." One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, "There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two fish; but what are they among so many?" Jesus said, "Make the people sit down." Now there was much grass in the place; so the men sat down, in number about five thousand. Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, "Gather up the fragments left over, that nothing may be lost." So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten. When the people saw the sign which he had done, they said, "This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world!" Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself.

Meditation:
Sometimes people de-supernaturalize John 6:1-15 with explanations such as: "The real miracle is that Jesus got the people to share the food they had brought with them", and even this: "There wasn't enough food for everyone to have their fill, but what they had was offered to everyone, and the people were just so appreciative and willing to make sacrifices that they ate very little and thus there was food left over."

The multiplication of the loaves and fish into a meal that not only satisfied everyone but was more than what they needed is an important foreshadowing of the Eucharistic banquet that we celebrate today. If we pay attention to what's going on in Eucharistic and if we take it to heart, Jesus satisfies our hungers and gives us more than we need. What did you need from him before you arrived at church? He's trying to give it to you in abundance! Receiving all that he wants to miraculously give us requires that we trust him to provide for us. We have to expect the unexpected. We have to wait on his perfect timing. But rest assured that he wants to give us more than we need.

Maybe some of the folks on that ancient hillside wanted steak instead of fish, but what they received was a Messiah who filled their hearts with more than enough faith to grow spiritually, more than enough hope to become stronger in their trials, and more than enough love to share as they went forth to reveal Christ to others. In our Liturgies of the Eucharist, there's a lot more abundance to receive from Jesus than just a little piece of bread and a sip of wine. What do you really need from Jesus? More faith? More hope? More love? It's a good idea to think about this on the way to Eucharistic so that you can participate in Eucharistic more expectantly.

Reflections:
1. The people went to Jesus because there was something missing in their lives. They were searching. Sometimes we are searching ourselves but we cannot find what we are looking for unless, we know what we are looking for. Do you know what you are searching in life?

2. The man who found a treasure in the field, sold everything he had and bought that field. What have you forsaken to find what you have been looking for in life?

3. The multiplication of fish and loaves reveal the power and depth of care Jesus has for his people. Have you allowed yourself to experience this in your life? Have you been able to give up control over your life to accept His providential care for you?

4. Do you really trust the Lord to look after you?

Hmm...this is so long................
But throughout the whole sermon and after the whole bible session, i was thinking..."What am i looking for? Do i trust God to look after me and provide me with what i need?"

The days in my current teaching career is fulfilling....but i just can't help it, but feel.......empty. Everything has been great for me, smooth sailing now, with the Lord in my heart, always with me...but i longed for my love... my ex has always been on my mind.. always, day and night, and its been such a sensitive topic that i never really wanna touch on it, except with my closest friends around who understands how i feel and why i still persist on feeling it this way...

Yes, i've been praying for his wellbeing, his overcoming of himself and coming back to receive God's love...and also prayed that if he's the One, hope that the Lord will guide him back to me.. AFter so much obstacles in relationships with different people, i get to differentiate what really meant to me, and still, being the silly sturborn girl, i believe deeply that he's the One..

After thursday session with Father Terence on Death and Resurrection, i really am believeing that JEsus will provide for me.. He wants the best for me... so if i'm not sure whether the Lord meant "he" for me, i will pray for the Lord to give me 7 signs...signs that only the Lord and I will know, which will determine whether "he" is the One.. when it works, i'll let the whole world know!

Jesus, I Trust in You. Please pray over my friends, my families, my wellbeing and especially my love..guide him back to Christ and envelope him with so much Love that he will never want to turn away from you again, ever. I ask this, in Jesus Christ most sacred name,
Amen.

Death to our old ways..Resurrect to a new life..

Haven't been updating my blogsite for a long while...been very occupied with sch work, and church stuffs... and especially when alot of things had happened in RCIA recently, its the amazing grace of God who had seen us through and grant us blessings...

Alot of people in St Anthony's church have prayed over for us Catechumens in RCIA Chronicles. Wanna thank them so much...people like Uncle Andrew (My big teddy bear uncle!) and Aunt Daisy, Rofina (My future Catechist mentor!! *hehe* wanna teach young children like her), and my coming-to-be Godparents (Dear Aunt Carol and Uncle Jeffrey)....Our group underwent a crisis, and we managed to pull through after 1 week of prayer!!! Praise the Lord!

Ever since i started RCIA, I was so sure that i will go through the whole process until i get baptised, until a few weeks ago, certain events started to plague the whole group...we underwent a dark period..and gradually, i began to realise that evil really exist and its trying to break us Catechumens who desires to be baptised in Jesus' name, next year during Easter. It was a chaotic period which lasted for 3 weeks, before we pulled through...a period of Death and Resurrection. We came back together as a whole group, and even had full attendance on thursday for our RCIA session (usually "The Sarah Kumar" will be missing..haha)! Thank you God for blessing us... Thank you Lord for granting the many miracles i've witnessed and hear about all these while...

Father Terence gave a wonderful teaching about the topic on Death and Resurrection...

The part that captivated me was the teaching that...God is omnipotent...God knows everything..

God knows our lives...God has plans for each of us..God is present in our past, present and future...What do i mean by that?

E.g. A woman lives a life of sadness, gets married in her 30s, gets divorced, lands herself into a huge financial debt... So since God knows everything, and He is in our past, present and future, Did God planned for it?

The answer is....NO. God is merciful and kind, He did not give us this kind of plan. It is ourselves who willed our own plans.. We, man, willed our sad story. God is almighty, and he loves us so much, that he gave us FREEDOM to live our lives. HE, indeed does have a plan for every single one of us, and if we CHOOSE to listen intently about what he wants to say to us, we will be able to lead a happy life....in God's grace.. =)

Why did bad things happen to us? Why did God not do anything to help us?
Bad things, events happens, when we go according to our OWN will... being sturborn..being arrogant, unforgiving, unable to let go of anger, hatred, sins, and we suffer...

God's knowing, does not determine what we do.

God's will is for us to be with Him. If we choose not to be, then we may end up suffering...Suffering is planned by us, not God. All consequences is due upon us when we chose to be egostic and do our will...and we cant blame God for our free will.

Human lives moment by moment, i.e, 8pm..9pm, 10pm, today, tomorrow.. BUT God is present at all these times.. He knows what is going to happen with every decision we make. He transcends time and space. God loves us so much, that he sets us free to do whatever we want to do..And when we do bad things, he actually knows what will happen in our future... God can only help us when we CHOOSE to listen to him... and He will guide us out of our DEATHS....

What exactly is Death, in this context?
Unforgiveness is death, anger is death, hatred is death, arrogance is death, pride is death, being sorrowful is death. Are we stuck in our sad pathetic ways? If we are, we are dead!

We must be open to Life. Every area of life must be open to new inspiration, new choices, new doors, so that we are open to Life...so that we can resurrect from the death.

Do we want to choose to continue to keep hitting, banging walls by our own will, or be open to changes, and will ourselves to the good plans of God?

When did Jesus begin to save us?
This was the question that one of us Catechumen asked Father Terence.

He said, "The moment when Jesus saved us, was when he came down from heaven, to earth and was born as a man." Man is raised to the level with God. Man, of course is not God, but God is with us now. What i'll like to think is, The Love story of God truly began when Jesus descended unto Earth...

How deep is your experience with God's Love?.. What i can really say is, the moment when you begin to understand his love, that's Salvation. This happens when we are prepared to move out of death.

To experience Love, you must experience You.
Admit to yourself, face yourself, come to terms with who you are.

Face death, know what it is, and come to resurrection.

There will be no resurrection until there is acknowledgment. Until we acknowledge ourselves who we are, we are unable to love ourselves and experience the Love of God.

Without Death, the Resurrection doesn't happen.

If there was no resurrection of Jesus, there wouldn't be Christianity. Jesus was risen by Himself and by no one else. His resurrection, all that was said by him, is verified. New life is offered.

Now, i truly understood why us Catechumens in RCIA have to go through a 22 months process before getting baptised. Father wants us to go through a series of conversion, going through the many deaths and resurrection...death to our old ways and be reborn to a new life... I begin to witness the changes in our people..and this is amazing...

We, as Catholics, do not believe in fate. If there is fate and predestination, there is NO FREEDOM, NO LOVE. Only with Freedom, there is Love. Now i understood more about the saying, "If you love someone, set him free. If he is yours to be with, he will come back to you.." This is God's love for us.. He waits for us to come back to him.

Many people have been asking me, "Why did i chose to become a Catholic?" I've never given a thought about it...but now, i only have an answer..

"Because i realised that God really loves me. Jesus loves us all.."

My sponsored child - Jae Mae..~*

My first letter from my sponsored child - Jae Mae!!!

She's from Philippines, and i sponsored her through an organisation called World Vision.I've got so much to talk about her, but first and foremost, must write back to her!! :)

A Proper start to my Teaching career!!

Finally!! I've started on my teaching career!
Nearly "bwang" last week, which is my first week of teaching. First lesson into the class, i panicked...and my teaching sequence all wrong! what an ass... what's more? I'm teaching Normal Academic Sec 1, and they are using EXPRESS maths textbook!!

Why? It was said that, whoever can score 75% and above for sec 1 NA class, they can opt to go to sec 2 express next year...wow...the burden's on me to get them UP! whoever wants to go express stream....

Have learnt alot from my school mentor, also my Maths HOD, Mr. Chong..he's a GREAT teacher mentor. Every teacher adviced me to be tough on them on the very first lesson, to show them who is the BOSS in charge...so second day when i went in, i gave them all a list of "CLASS ROOM MANAGMENT" list.. telling them who i am, what i expect of the class, and also, my temper to those who dares to step on my toes, etc. It proved quite effective! So i can tone up or down anytime i want already, because i told them i'm the Military person..teacher in charge for Military band...used to teach the woodwinds in school in yr 2007 as well...ahaaAAH~*

If anyone don't finish my work and hand in on time, if the number crosses 5 person in a single work, MORE homework for ALL!! That's "One for All, ALL for One.." hahaAHa~~*

HAve to be REALLY discipline to do coursework over the term, because nobody's gonna regularly check my work! Its literally having NO BOSS and alot of disciples (students) under you!!! Only alot of meetings sometimes, i heard. So, i'm gonna be real disciplined now, after slacking for quite a long time...

Been watching this show, "Supernatural" online..Its a real AWESOME SHOW!!!!

Staring Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester (the elder brother) and Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester (the younger brother). I love Dean more, the bad boy, gutsy dude!! but i think i really like Sam's height, and especially his intellect too! hahaAH~*

The whole story is about the supernatural forces, demons and ghosts are the main ones who appears in season 1 to 3, but in season 4, FINALLY the Angels are coming out!!! Woohoo! All the while i was wondering when's God, Angels coming...stylo show~
Gonna finish off season 4 soon before i start getting late nights again!

My Saint Name from..St Clare of Assisi

Every Catholic going to be baptised after going through RCIA is supposed to have a middle name, preferrably from a Saint.

So after checking it out, i decided to use "Clare" instead..wanted to find any Saints with the name Clara, but nil..nonetheless, i find St Clare of Assisi really good..

We have to research about the Saint's life, therefore here's her story.. :)

Saint Clare of Assisi, born Chiara Offreduccio (July 16, 1194 – August 11, 1253) is an Italian saint and one of the first followers of Saint Francis of Assisi. She founded the Order of Poor Ladies, a monastic religious order for women in the Franciscan tradition. Following her death, the order she founded was renamed in her honor as the Order of Saint Clare, commonly referred to today as the Poor Clares.

St. Clare of Assisi was a beautiful Italian noblewoman, born in Assisi, Umbria, as the eldest daughter of Favorino Scifi, Count of Sasso-Rosso and his wife Ortolana. Ortolana was a very devout woman who had undertaken pilgrimages to Rome, Santiago de Compostela and the Holy Land. Later on in her life, Ortolana entered Clare's monastery. Although many commentators state that Clare heard St. Francis preaching in the streets of Assisi about his new mendicant order (then newly approved by Pope Innocent III) and was moved by his words, there is no explicit evidence for this in the sources.

On March 20, 1212, Clare's parents had decided she would marry a wealthy young man. In desperation Clare escaped her home and sought refuge with St. Francis, who received her into religious life.

Clare lived for a very brief period in a nearby Benedictine monastery of nuns, San Paolo delle Abadesse, and then again for a short period at a house of female penitents, Sant'Angelo in Panza on Monte Subasio. Her sister Agnes of Assisi also left her parents and followed Clare to Sant'Angelo.

Clare and Agnes soon moved to the church of San Damiano, which Francis himself had rebuilt. Other women joined them there, and San Damiano became known for its radically austere lifestyle. The women were at first known as the "Poor Ladies".

San Damiano became the focal point for Clare's new religious order, which was known in her lifetime as the "Order of San Damiano." San Damiano was long thought to be the first house of this order, however, recent scholarship strongly suggests that San Damiano actually joined an existing network of women's religious houses organized by Hugolino (who later became Pope Gregory IX). Hugolino wanted San Damiano as part of the order he founded because of the prestige of Clare's monastery. San Damiano emerged as the most important house in the order, and Clare became its undisputed leader. By 1263, just ten years after Clare's death, the order became known as the Order of Saint Clare.

Saint Clare miraculously intervenes to save a child from a wolf, in this panel by Giovanni di Paolo, 1455.Unlike the Franciscan friars, whose members moved around the country to preach, Saint Clare's sisters lived in enclosure, since an itinerant life was hardly conceivable at the time for women. Their life consisted of manual labour and prayer.

For a time the order was directed by Francis himself. Then in 1216, Clare accepted the role of abbess of San Damiano. As abbess, Clare had more authority to lead the order than when she was the prioress, who had to follow the orders of a priest heading the community. Clare defended her order from the attempts of prelates to impose a rule on them that more closely resembled the Rule of St Benedict than Francis' stricter vows. Clare sought to imitate Francis' virtues and way of life so much so that she was sometimes titled alter Franciscus, another Francis. She also played a significant role in encouraging and aiding Francis, whom she saw as a spiritual father figure, and she took care of him during his illnesses at the end of his life, until his death in 1226.

After Francis's death, Clare continued to promote the growth of her order, writing letters to abbesses in other parts of Europe and thwarting every attempt by each successive pope to impose a Rule on her order which watered down the radical commitment to corporate poverty she had originally embraced. She did this despite the fact that she had endured a long period of poor health until her death.

On August 9, 1253, the Papal bull Solet annure of Pope Innocent IV confirmed that Clare's Rule would serve as the governing rule for Clare's Order of Poor Ladies. Two days later, on August 11, Clare died at the age of 59. Her remains were interred at the chapel of San Giorgio while construction of a church to hold her remains was being constructed.

Basilica of Saint Clare, Assisi.

On August 15, 1255, Pope Alexander IV canonized Clare as Saint Clare of Assisi. Construction of the Basilica of Saint Clare was completed in 1260, and on October 3 of that year Clare's remains were transferred to the newly completed basilica where they were buried beneath the high altar. In further recognition of the saint, Pope Urban IV officially changed the name of the Order of Poor Ladies to the Order of Saint Clare in 1263.

Some 600 years later in 1872, Saint Clare's remains were transferred to a newly constructed shrine in the crypt of the Basilica of Saint Clare where they can still be seen today.

Pope Pius XII designated her as the patron saint of television in 1958, on the basis that when she was too ill to attend Mass, she had reportedly been able to see and hear it on the wall of her room. The Eternal Word Television Network (EWTN) was founded by a Poor Clare nun, Mother Angelica.

In art, Clare is often shown carrying a monstrance or pyx, in commemoration of the time when she warded away the soldiers of Fredrick II at the gates of her convent by displaying the Blessed Sacrament and kneeling in prayer.

Lake Saint Clair and the Saint Clair River in the Great Lakes region of North America were named on her feast day August 12, 1679. In the Tridentine Calendar her feast day is celebrated as a Double on August 13. It was changed to a Third-Class Feast in 1960 (see General Roman Calendar of 1962), and in the 1969 calendar became an obligatory Memorial celebrated on the day of her death, August 11. Although her body is no longer claimed to be incorrupt, her skeleton is displayed in Assisi.

And so, my middle name is Clare....~* ;)

Carine and Cheng Yong's Wedding Day - 14 Jun 09

It was a memorable day.
Our good friend since BT Band days, Carine is getting married!! After 7 long years of courtship!!The first in our JJAM group to get married!!! :)

And as a wedding gift (i still received angbao for helping..haha~*), i helped to do up their wedding montage which took me great pains to complete within 3 days!!!

I had to go to band practice in Westspring, go church at night for St Anthony's Feast Day triduum for 4 nights, and also help out with the cooking for St Anthony's Feast Day Food and Funfair!! So Tired!! So i couldn't have more time to do up a more brilliant than ever Montage, but i think it's still up to standard, at least alot teared when they saw it and felt very touched. *hehe* Can hire me to do up some wedding montage next time! ;)

Their wedding venue is @ The Legends, Fort Canning and they spent more than $20,000 on the wedding itself!! Is that cheap or expensive?? I dunno, but i think its quite a standard price to pay..so better save up for it! ;)

But no one can be as tired as the Bride and Bridegroom..hahahaAH`~* Carine was telling me that she's just very tired (she's always a calm person), while Cheng Yong was very gan chiong..haHAha~~* She also proudly announced that she is 15weeks pregnant!! I'm gonna be God-ma soon!!! woohoo!!

The wedding cake tower and champage tower are real nice!!

Free Poloroid for Michelle and I! ;)

While seating at our table, we were wondering.."Whose wedding will we be attending next?" Must be Elsie's, since she's got a boyfriend of 4 years already...and she mentioned that it will likely be 3 years later that she'll get hitched. ;) Its really touching seeing your own friend moving on to the next stage in life..Where 2 bodies becomes 1 and procreation begins.. :)

I seriously love the shot glass and passport cover!! Actually each of us should take just either of one, but since Jason couldn't make it to the event that day, i just took extra! *hehe*

(From Left): Zi Xian, Elsie and I

Group photo with the newly wedded couple, Cheng Yong and Carine!

Before leaving, i took a quick shot with Carine!

Brides are really beautiful on their wedding night...I'm really looking forward to this day, in future... God bless me with a good loving husband... Amen! :)

Congrats to the newly wedded couple again!! May both have a healthy and obedient baby soon! ;)

God's Answers

Got this somewhere from the internet...very nice~* ;)

For all the negative things we say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for it.

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 and John 13:34)

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 and Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8 )

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28 )

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 and Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him." (Nahum 1:7)

Remember this: When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something!!!

Bless us O Lord, may we be able to keep this day holy. May your grace be always with us and all our loved ones. We asked this, in Jesus Christ most precious name. Amen.

Sweet dream~ :)

I had, finally, a sweet dream today...during afternoon nap. So sweet that i didn't want to wake up and go for RCIA session.. haha~*~

I just dreamt that he reconciled with me, and that we're back together. I can't remember what happened in the dream, but i just woke up feeling very happy...as if it was real... i missed the happy moments.. :)

Coincidentally, during RCIA session today, we discussed about "Repentance and Growth"!

We've got a scenario that we need to act out.

A family with 2 children, which consist of a faithful husband and strayed wife who had a lover...

We have to come up with the ending of the stories..

So, Sarah, one of the Catechumens, told us a real life story.

There was a charming man with a beautiful wife, and a baby boy. Subsequently, the wife fall in love with an ugly man (we don't know how it happened). When all things seems lost, the faithful husband prayed all these while, for a miracle to happen. That is, for his wife to come back to him.

For 6 months, he's been praying hard. And it happened. She really did come back to him. This story is very short, and details were not given (because we were told just to act out a scenario). But this is a true real life story of a repentant wife who come back to her forgiving husband.

So, what does this mean to me?

Have faith!! Pray for a miracle...when all seems lost, turn towards God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and away from sin.. I'm really gonna pray more Novenas, more daily prayers for this BIGGEST miracle to happen in my life..that he gets enlightened by the Father, Son and Holy Spirit..and come back to Christ..and if it is the Lord's Holy will, back to me as well..

The whole story also depicts the faithful man as the Holy Trinity, the wife as Believers, the 3rd party as Satan/Man/Power/Money/Control,etc. A Conversion must be present for Believers, to turn away from evil, and towards the Father through Jesus. It is then, Reconciliation will occur...for people to acknowledge love, confess all sins and have an absolution to stay away from sins.

Starting from Moss' time, people have been turning away and coming back to God, time to time. E.g. Moss times, Prophet's time where Hosea marries Harlot Gomen, Ezekiel's time..and John the Baptist, who is known for his baptism of repentance, when the Kingdom of God is at hand...

Really need to go and read up on the parts stated above...because i haven't started reading the Old Testement!! hahaaHA~~*

Its been sometime when i last felt inspired by God. Does this RCIA session signal anything to me? A sign by God? will pray for the gift of Discernment..

God's will be done.

Amen.

Crucifix instead of Cross...

Been watching movies regarding Christ..

1) Passion of the Christ
2) Jesus of Nazareth
3) Bible series...on Jesus

All by different actors, with some differences on how they bring out the story regarding Jesus' life...All had Jesus' Passion...the Crucifixion on the cross.. and the resurrection..

I have a cross, which is made of white gold..been loving it, and wearing it since day 1 when i received it..

I didn't understand the meaning of having Jesus on the cross, looking sorrowful...i was thinking, "Why can't we carry a cross by ourselves, like imitating Jesus, like we are carrying a little cross in this cruel world, and striving to be Christ-like?" I did not like his sad fate, so i justified with myself that a simple cross will signify a devotion for him.

After watching the movies these days, it started to dawn upon me, the importance of the cruxific..I been reading articles online, which really enlightens me and explains how i've been feeling...

"Give me the crucifix over the cross"
At this time of year, as Holy Week approaches, I’m reminded of the embarrassment of the crucifix. The Protestant churches of my youth and today usually have crosses, not crucifixes. It’s not the same. In fact, I think it’s a problem.

As G. K. Chesterton once explained, the Protestant who dismisses the dying Christ may, in the end, become satisfied with a dead cross. “To salute the Cross in that sense is literally to bow down to wood and stone.” Such an idea is surprising to Protestants, because we thought it was Catholics who worshiped idols. But the salvation by faith alone preached by Luther sometimes looks like a faith in faith, a way of living in the head that replaces the Catholic understanding of the church as the vehicle of salvation.

St. Paul said that the cross of Christ would be a stumbling block to some, and salvation to others. “Is the flesh which was crucified become as poison to the crowds in the street, or is it as a strong gladness and hope to them, as the first flower blossoming out of the earth’s humus?” wrote D. H. Lawrence in The Rainbow.

Protestant crosses replaced Catholic crucifixes long ago in an effort to emphasize the Resurrection. I remember in my own very protestant churches as a child, we never heard sermons or lessons on the cross during Holy Week that did not, in some way, reveal the resurrection. Whereas a Catholic would literally darken the sanctuary from Maundy Thursday evening until the Easter vigil service, we would preach Good Friday as if it was Easter Sunday. The lessons of the sacrifice, the bloody lynching that was the crucifixion, the pain and sorrow and despair of the human Christ, were lost to us. In some profound ways, the cross by itself was for us an embarrassment, foolishness, a stumbling block.

The cross is without the corpus, or body, of Jesus. Spare crosses lack the mess and misery. I’m drawn to the corpus—even the bloodiness—of the old-fashioned crucifix. Not even those sanitized Jesuses hanging blithely with peace-loving eyes will do. The ancient church tried to distance themselves from the suffering of Christ; it wasn’t until about the sixth century that Christians felt able to take ownership of the Crucifixion. Only at that time, do we see religious art and image portraying the suffering Christ.

I prefer a crucifix to a cross. Whether it is made of plaster, plastic, wood or iron, a crucifix is not merely a metaphor. I want to learn to be comfortable in its embarrassment. May I someday more fully know the Christ who knew what it was like to be unwanted and despised.“God’s folly is wiser than human wisdom, and God’s weakness is stronger than human strength.” (1 Cor. 1: 25).

I want to remember that Jesus came down to earth, to save us from our sins, to reconcile us with God our Father in Heaven, and died for us so that we may live. Whenever i see the scene when Jesus was being tortured and scourged, every sin by us signified a lash of the cruel whip unto His body..

It is a cruel world out there, where alot of people lived without souls, with only money as their God, being slaves to money... I pray that people will remember who Jesus suffered and died for, to become resurrected from any of their current souless life, and live in the Kingdom of Christ Love for us all. Having Jesus on the cross, a crucifix is not merely a metaphor; it is the symbol of the most important historical event in history.

"Lord Jesus, take my life and make it wholly pleasing to you. Sanctify me in your truth and guide me by your Holy Spirit that I may follow you faithfully wherever you lead."

Amen.

Paranoid...

Had a terrible dream last night...

Ended at 6.15am when i was awaken by the alarm clock...

When i went back to sleep, another similar dream attacked me...

I'm guessing its the devils playing afool with my dreams..

But then again, i provided them the opportunity to attack me...

The RCIA process is in such a way, that in this 22 months process, our status changes from Inquirier ==> Catechumens ==> Elects ==> Neophytes (Newly Baptised Catholics, lasting a year)==> Catholics!

The RCIA have told me that when we become Elects (about 1 month away from being baptised), alot of strange, weird things will happen. The people in my Alpha group told me that when they were elects, all had different experiences.. My soon-to-be Godpa, Jeffrey, kena strange scratches all over his body, like cat scratches..My soon-to-be Godma, Carol, had bad relationships with her family...started quarreling, etc. It always happens to Elects.. that's really a test to these people..that's why some people didn't get baptised at the VERY last min because they were so afraid..

Anyway, i dreamt that i was to attend my ex boyfriend's wedding... *sad sad*

I couldn't see the bride's face...it was a small simple very Chinese function..i was on my own, No Mitchell, No Neil around, ... I was so sad that i run out of the function room..

It was a familiar feeling..when my best girlfriend in sec sch was together with Anthony(we were childish back then..).. The sourish feel in the heart... And he came chasing out to explain why he got married, said that i hated him in the emails i've sent to him, so he got back with his previous ex girlfriend.. And i tried to explain that i didn't hate him at all..blar blar blar...and then....

He pulled out his cigarette box, lit one up, placed one cigarette into my hands (signalling me to smoke with him), grabbed both my wrist and said, "So...do you want me to go away with you?"..

SUDDENLY, Father Terence appeared on my left!!!!

(This is really Father Terence!!)

He said to me, " He is already married, do not go with him. Thou must not commit adultery.."

And my alarm clock rang...

This dream is sooOOOOoOoO frightening...

I think this is the last thing i ever want to happen...

If he ever gets married, i will doubt that i will attend. I will run far far away, go to Vatican and stay for awhile before coming back to Singapore..

This dream is also not reflective of Anthony in real life.. He will NEVER ask me to lit up a cigarette, will never ask me to smoke with him! So i was suspecting that the devils are playing with my minds when i am weak...(when i am missing him sometimes...BUT i'm ok ah..don't come asking me how i am..) ..

And God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit within, came in the form of Father Terence to assist me! hahHAa~~* God knows that i really treat Father Terence as a great mentor in life.

I forgot my second dream already by now..but it wasn't as terrifying as the first..

HaizzZz~

4 Years and 3 Months from now, August 2013, will i really get married?

Where's the man?

I'm really looking forward to form the family group in church with my current facilitators and RCIA group mates..all the kids can play and have fun together while the parents slack around, relax by the pool having bbq..

- God will send that special someone forward in His Time...Lord. let it be according to your way, and not my way..

Amen! =)

Slave or Best Friend of God?

Scripture: John 15: 9-17

9 As the Father had loved Me, so have I loved you; abide in My Love. 10If you keep my commandments, you will abide in My Love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His Love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that My Joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. 12"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no man than this, that a may lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in My Name, He may give it to you. 17This I command you, to love one another..

Meditation:

Servanthood is the mark of true Christian living. Jesus emphasized it during the Last Supper, saying that He came not to be served, but to serve, and that likewise we should serve one another. In His parables, He often referred to believers as "servants" of the Kingdom.

But in this Gospel reading, Jesus says that He wants us to be His friends, not His slaves. Is He contradicting Himself?

Not at all! Friends serve because they care. Slaves serve because of duty and fear of punishment. Jesus said, "If you keep My commandments, you will remain in My Love." Do we hear this as a friend or a slave?

Slaves are afraid of what will happen if they fail to keep their master's command; they are self-protective. Friends are eager to find out what God commands, because they view the commandments from the perspective of love, as opportunities to serve; they are otheroriented.

Jesus said, "This is my commandment: Love one another the way I love you." It's the supreme commandment; call it the Commandment of Friendship. He says, "You know how I love you, my friends: I openly share with you everything that the Father tells me." His friends realize that what He shares (through the scripture and through the Church) reveals the opportunities to love that we seek. Every commandment is rooted in love. Every Church teaching is based on love.

When we fail to obey, do we lose God's love? Never! Do we lose our place in His Love? Yes. By living outside of His commandments, we feel unloved even while being loved.

This is slavery. We're enslaved by fear or by false beliefs or by our wounds that have caused us to think that we're not loved enough. God's commands then feel confining, and if we try to escape, we commit rebellion. Those who don't rebel accept their slavery and obey dutifully in the hope of winning God's love.

Friends, on the other hand, know that God always loves them, and in this love, they are free to serve one another joyfully.

=================================================================

During the sermon, Father Terence mentioned something about Love, that i will never want to forget..

Love, is an overly abused, misused, overused word ever. In his journey in the process of priesthood, alot of times, he was taught to re-examine, re-educate himself on the meanings of words..

People talk about how much they "Love" their new car, how much they "love" their shoes, their bags, their possessions..they "love" their pets! But are they willing to die for what they love?

Love concerns a sacrifice... The word, Love, should only be used on people. People that you are willing to lay down your life for, just like what Jesus did by laying down his life to carry the sins of the World. Jesus's Passion really shows us what is the greatest Love of all...

I've been dreaming of having a family, whenever i see Victoria with her kids, Bernard with his daughter and wife, and how many of my friends getting married with their longtime sweethearts...OhhhH man... how i used to be afraid of the word "marriage"...It just meant "fear of the unknown"!

After getting to know about Christ's Love, it sort of opens up my mind about the whole thing on beauty of marriage, the union of two, that a man is only half a person without the other half, a being is only complete with two flesh becoming one.. and NOW I don't even have anyone with me! *sad sad*..

Thinking about my past relationships... i am sure, very sure, that i really loved Anthony. Not even Charles or Francis fit the criteria of me truly loving them... Anthony could have been a great husband, should he have been a Christ-like man...He is so lost... Only when he's back with Christ, then i'll see Miracle... Even if he's not destined with me, i'll pray for him to be reconciled with Christ...

Nonetheless, God's will be done. I'll go according to the path Lord our Father is going to direct me to...Lord, let it be according to your way, and not my way...

Amen.

What's a prayerful life like?..Part 1

I've been pondering..."What exactly is a prayerful life?"...

I've been trying my best to logicalise the purpose of prayers..in a theorical manner. Some ways to make it understandable and for laymen to easily remember its purpose.

What does a prayerful life do? In the most sensible form...that actually makes sense to laymen, to people of other religion, to non-prayerful people, to non-church goers, to non-believers of Christ, to free-thinkers...

How exactly does a prayerful Life work in everyone's lives?

Perhaps i'll just have this as a start...a Part 1 to my blog on prayers..because i know so little of my faith in Christ...

1. Prayers allows me to focus on ELTs....

Every Little Things in Life.. and recognise certain things really happens as a miracle.

E.g. A friend of mine, who is a catechism teacher in our church, sustained quite a bad fall 2 weeks back. She was walking towards the bus stop, and she saw the bus coming! She told herself to calm down, don't run, and just walked fast. BUT STILL....She tripped and fell flat on her face! Her fall was so bad, that she had open wounds with part of her skin on her hand torn out, her toes also suffered bruises..

But you know what?? Instead of cursing and swearing like everyone else normally would do, she prayed and thank God that she did not suffer anything worse than this...

2. Prayers puts our Life into a positive perspective...

And continuing from the previous example, it is like a paradigm change, a RADiCAL change.

The word RAdical, comes from the word, "root". A change from the insides of yourselves, a fundamental change. If you're used to a pessismestic life, where you curse each weekday morning, have monday blues, swear at anyone who crosses your path on your bad day, when disasters befall upon you and you blame everyone but yourself...start to pray...pray for reflections, meditate, pray for people who have lives who seemed worse that yourselves, etc..

3. Prayers makes me appreciate things i've always taken for granted...

The prayers before meals, has always been symbolical to me, whenever i have a good time on my own, or with church friends to pray our meals together. Its marks Respect for the food that we have, and also, that the animals we have eaten, for their souls to depart through the mercy of Christ our Lord. Whatever pains and torments they have gone through, May they enter Heaven and enjoy a life everlasting with Lord our Father.

4. Prayers as a group, made me more aware of the World issues and pray for the Good...

When we are in the Eucharistic celebrations (Mass), or during RCIA sessions or talks, sometimes Father will talk about World issues and relate it to what our fundamental values in Christ teachings are..

E.g. The AWARE issue.. The whole thing about sexual education etc.. It is only until the Christifideles Laici talk which was held by Father Terence, that i realised that the Pope once asked our ArchBishop Nicholas Chia, "Why is it that Singapore didn't have a Peace and Justice centre??"

The Peace and Justice centre is a non-profit institution which works on the interconnected issues of economic and racial justice, peace, and human rights through education, advocacy, training, non-violent activism and community organizing. Our SINGAPORE government has SHUT IT DOWN! In...God knows when?? I don't say that i support the once-new leaders of AWARE, but they were truely modern-time martyers for good cause in the process..If they had not bring up the case about the standards of sexual education in Singapore, MOE would still be living in a state of.."Everything is goody and alright" kinda mentality...

5. Prayers allows me to find strength in whatever weakness i am in or having...

I feel weak whenever i start thinking how sad my dear's life has been, and seeing how he is still living in his own world, living by the day, unsure about his future.. I do not know how to help him, but just pray for him daily over the mornings (whenever i wake up and prepare for sch, i think of him..) over the night (before sleep) and random times (whenever i encounter some things interesting, he will just pop into my mind, and i wanna share with him), and during intercessary prayers (especially during St Anthony's Novena..my special intentions for him)..

Dear Lord, our Father in Heaven, help me with my little faith...

Holy Saint Anthony please assist in interceding my prayers to Jesus...

Inspire the Holy Spirit in him and bring him back to Christ...

Thank you, in Jesus Christ most precious name,

Amen.

www.myprettycreations.blogspot.com

I've just purchased a sweet pair of earrings from this lady called Elizabeth! This item is called "Paris Trip"! So sweet and exquisite!!!!~ I really love it!!! ;)

Her website is @ www.myprettycreations.blogspot.com!!
Although her price range is alittle high, her creations are really unique and materials are of real PREMIUM quality! Suitable for people who have sensitive skin! That's why i love her works. ;)

I have some of her items which ranges from $4 to $15 ONLY as well, but she doesn't display them as it takes alot of time to upload all the items that she makes.

I have invited her to come and set up a stall her the St Anthony's Feast Day at my church, but due to miscommunications with my group, they have decided to specialise in a western dessert stall that day, so i am so apologetic to leave her out from the funfair..So........I'll be asking her to pass me some of her pretty creations so i can promote to all my dearest ladies!!!

Check out her blog to find out more!! ;)

Bless this sweet lady Elizabeth.

God's will be done.

Amen.

Busy May and June!!~* [UPDATED]

Its gonna be a busy busy yet fulfilling MAy and June 2009!!!

Besides the weekly Thursday RCIA sessions,

- 8 and 15 May (both fridays 8pm) - Talk on “Christifideles Laici”, the encyclical written by late Pope John Paul II on our Christian vocation and mission on earth. By Father Terence Pereira

- 15 May (And 12 consecutive fridays, 8pm) - Alpha group session Day 1. An introduction to Christian faith. For both Catholics and non-Catholics.

- 21 May (Thurs, 9pm Eucharistic celebration aka Mass) - Ascension Day: To commemorate Jesus Christ's ascension into heaven, according to the New Testament of the Bible. It is also Mitchell's birthday, so i think the Catechumens will be celebrating his birthday over the RCIA session. :)

- 23 May (Sat morn till nighttime) - Bak KuTeh Trip to Malaysia, Kota Tinggi!! Followed by some shopping, look see look see! With fellow RCIA Catechumens and Facilitators! ;)

- 30 May (Sat 3 - 10pm) - Talk on Christian Morality. By Father Terence! Followed by a 1 hr prayer session. :)

- 6 to 7 June (sat morn to sunday afternoon!) - A day and night out with Joyce, Li Hui, Lynn and perhaps Qiqi (we are the Citi@ngels!~~**) We're highly likely to book a hotel room in Sentosa and spend the night over there....cool!! Been wanting a good break by the beach a DaRn long time!!! But will be missing 1 breaking of word session in church...so sad...~ :( but anyway, not gonna miss out too much lah. ;) The Catechumens will keep me updated. ;)

Here comes the St Anthony's Feast Day Triduum 2009!!!

Theme: “A Saint For An Uncertain World”

- 10 June (Wed, 7.30pm): Sub-theme: “Availability before capability” by Fr Angel Luciano

On tuesday (the day before), it marks the end of a 9-week Novena prayer session, whereby i attend the 1/2 hr session over 9 consecutive tuesdays. Intercessary Prayers through St Anthony to Our Father in Heaven. Its amazing that i discovered that on these every tuesdays, the church will display a relic of St Anthony's in a portable altar...and the relic is from his tongue or throat (I'm not too sure..) I just know for a fact that after St Anthony's death (August 15, 1195 – June 13, 1231), his tongue remained perfectly intact, no decay at all, after many many years and decades! Amazing grace by our Lord!

- 11 June (Thurs, 7.30pm): Sub-theme: “Believe in the extraordinary” by Fr. Luke Fong
I think no RCIA session on this day then. Replaced by Father Ambrose session. :)

- 12 June (Fri, 7.30pm): Sub-theme: “Not by prayer” by Fr. Ambrose Vaz

- 13 June (Sat, 5.30pm): Procession by Archbishop Nicholas Chia

Wah! Alot of people still at work then!! I'll get to be up close to him then! hahaAHa~~*

- 14 June (Sun, 7.30pm onwards till late night): Its St Anthony's Food and Funfair and Feast Day dinner!! And also, it marks Carine and ZhengYong's wedding DAY!!

Thank GOD i lived near church!!! Gonna start working on the food to be sold during the food fair, most likely cooking and baking some food with Auntie Cynthia and Lorain..They're MARVELLOUS COOKS!!! Can learn alot from them..! And also Feast Day dinner's gonna be a grand one, and we've each paid SG$35! woohoo!~ that's gonna be a real good dinner! ;) The RCIA Catechumens and Alpha group people have both gotten a table of ten each filled! So it'll be a great night having the congregation together! And i've seen Father Terence going to his all night dancing mode..real fun seeing him dance!! ahaAHaha~~*

But sadly...i can't attend it!!! I MUST go for Carine's wedding day!! She's one of my best girlfriend in sec sch (besides MeiQing)!! She's only 23 this year, and she's been with her guy for the past 7 years already...maybe its time too! I think its God-given as well...they ought to move to a next stage in life. ;)

All the best for her wedding!!! Love ya dear!

- 26 June (7.30pm) - St Paul Musical: To celebrate the year of St Paul. Venue: NUS University Cultural Centre. Confirm a mini makan celebration at the prata stall nearby..hahaaAHa~* We're the Makan people...(no wonder i can't maintain my figure for long..ahhaaAH~~*)

Wow!! An eventful May and June holidays (i exclaim "HOLIDAY" because i don't get to work during June!!! :D ) Looking forward to more learning, work and fun in church! ;)

Bless those whom i wish for them (especially him) to come to church..

God's will be done.

Amen.

The vineyard...~

I went church today, and guess what? Since Father Bruno is back to France for the next 3 months, today we had a "relief Father"! And he was the one who was famous for the Novena church exorcism case!

His sermon was real good. ;) He's a good preacher. Thank God who bless you to overcome the saga over the case.

Anyway, for every sunday, i guess i'll just have the homily readings here, so Pin wouldn't grumble at me for not updating..ahhaAHA~*

So...HEre's it!

“ He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit”

Scripture: John 15:1-8
1. "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2. Every branch of mine that bears no fruit, he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3. You are already made clean by the word which I have spoken to you. 4. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6. If a man does not abide in me, he is cast forth as a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned. 7. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you. 8. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples.

Our Meditation and reflections:
The Gospel reading tells us that all who belong to Christ are fruit-bearing branches of one vine. Jesus is the vine, and because we are all attached to him, we share the same calling: to bear good fruit. And not just any fruit that seems good, but the same fruit that Jesus produced.

However, most of us underestimate how important this is! Stop underestimating how necessary it is for you to produce Christ's fruit — and more of it — today. Too many Christians settle for mediocrity. As long as we get some personal satisfaction from being Christian, we feel all too satisfied. As long as we're helping some people with our kindness or generosity or love, we think God is satisfied with the good fruits we're producing. Have you ever asked why there's so much evil in the world? Why doesn't God raise his almighty hand against war, against terrorism, against unemployment, against the greed of high -salaried managers who lay off their employees while giving themselves huge bonuses, against the perpetrators of physical and emotional abuse, against pro-abortion legislation, against poverty, against rising crime rates, or against any evil that's corrupting our world? Why doesn't God do something? Actually, he does!

However, he does it the same way he grows grapes. The energy of the vine (Jesus) travels through the vine to the little twigs (you and me and all Christians) that hold the grapes. The more open we are to receiving nourishment from Christ, the more fruit Jesus produces through us. But the grapes are not supposed to stay there! We're nourished by Christ in order to take his fruits abundantly out into the world. We must grow strong and healthy, branch out, and use everything we've received from Christ for the sake of others. Evil is stopped to the extent that we Christians continue Christ's earthly ministry. Victory over evil comes from Christ, that is, through us from Christ. Holiness in the world comes from Christ's Holy Spirit actively transforming it through our holiness.

Hope these readings bring an impact upon any person who are most in need to know about...

God's will be done.

Amen.