Heaven on Earth..

The following blogpost is from Yanni, a friend and senior experienced in the field of psychology. Haven't seen her for quite a while, but i do check out interesting article on relationships and psychology from her.

Here's a good one..

Heaven on Earth, for our children

One of the most difficult technical knowledge we can learn in this world is Parenthood, it is something that our parents never teach us ( or they demonstrated the wrong method, cos their parents also did not know what to do). Most of the time we learned through trail and error, however by the time we realised our mistakes, if we do have the consciousness to know, hurt was already been done and many a times, we were in such a huge amount of guilt that we fall into denial or a vicious cycle of guilt – hurt – more guilt – more hurt...

The truth is,children are send from heaven to help us in our healing of our soul, they are the mirror of our sub-conscious and unconscious mind, and they brought heavenly gifts to help us mend our fractured soul.

If you are facing any challenges with your children, check out the following, for the sake of your child ;

1.How much you value yourself as a good mom/dad?
In fact, how much we value ourselves as a parent is equivilent to how much we value our parents of the same sex. If we cannot acknowledge our parents of the same sex we will also not be able to acknowledge our self value in our subconscious mind when we become parent. We get frustrated easily, always unhappy with our performance and in order not to feel the valuelessness inside us, we use anger to cover it.Our children is often the one that get it, unfortunately.

Way out – forgive our parents for the things they had done to us in our childhood, for not loving us the way we want them to love us, for not able to satisfy all our needs, for not able to give us the love and attention we need then. Understanding and acceptance is the best way towards forgiveness. As a parent now, you know that we will give everything we can give to our children,unless we don't have, that is the same to our parents to. They had done their best in their situation.

2.Are you in competition with your spouse?
Are you playing the good parent/bad parent game? Is one of the you in sacrifice and the other always busy? The model of competition started right from our birth, we compete with our parent of the same sex for the parent of the opposite sex, we compete with our siblings for food, for love and for attention.Deep inside our soul, we had a belief of scarcity, and in order to survive, we compete. Some compete through specialness, some through sacrifice, some through victimising, some through withdrawing. At the end of the day, there is always win-lose, but for the child, it's lose-lose. Never never never ask your child to choose between you and your spouse, it's the most cruel thing you can do to them.

Way out – join with your partner, make him/her your team mate instead of competitor. Be aware of the hiddened competition you have inside you and commit to oneness instead of seperation.

3.Let go of your expectations
Our expectations come from our unfulfilled needs in our childhood, however, instead of healing our childhood issue, most parents transfer all their needs to their child unknowingly. Instead of giving the child their own life, parents want the child to live the parent's life, to “enjoy” what the parents never enjoyed before, without really understanding what the children actually want. Just ask ourselves this question, is our children really happy? Is it what we adults want or what they really want?

4.Never talk to our children the way that we will never talk to our friend.
Be your child's best friend, treat them equally and trust them. Response to them and not react to them. Most parents react, when we react, it is emotional and does not help in the situation. Been responsive is to understand what our child trying to tell us through their actions, and see through their actions. When children mis-behave, most of the time either they are calling for love, calling for help or calling for attention. We have to coach our children, not through anger/violence/abuse, but through love and understanding.

Quite a nice article, not only for parents, but for us as children as well. :)