Sunday, July 26, 2009

What am i looking for? Do i trust God can provide me?

Its Sunday! So naturally, its church day! Sabbath day! Our Lord's day! A day where we put aside all work, and rest... =) so sad cynthia has to work every sunday... May she pass this period of agony and pray that good times comes for her... =)

So today's gospel is on...

Scripture: John 6:1-15
After this Jesus went to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiber'i-as. And a multitude followed him, because they saw the signs which he did on those who were diseased. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there sat down with his disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a multitude was coming to him, Jesus said to Philip, "How are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?" This he said to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, "Two hundred denarii would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little." One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, "There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two fish; but what are they among so many?" Jesus said, "Make the people sit down." Now there was much grass in the place; so the men sat down, in number about five thousand. Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, "Gather up the fragments left over, that nothing may be lost." So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten. When the people saw the sign which he had done, they said, "This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world!" Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself.

Meditation:
Sometimes people de-supernaturalize John 6:1-15 with explanations such as: "The real miracle is that Jesus got the people to share the food they had brought with them", and even this: "There wasn't enough food for everyone to have their fill, but what they had was offered to everyone, and the people were just so appreciative and willing to make sacrifices that they ate very little and thus there was food left over."

The multiplication of the loaves and fish into a meal that not only satisfied everyone but was more than what they needed is an important foreshadowing of the Eucharistic banquet that we celebrate today. If we pay attention to what's going on in Eucharistic and if we take it to heart, Jesus satisfies our hungers and gives us more than we need. What did you need from him before you arrived at church? He's trying to give it to you in abundance! Receiving all that he wants to miraculously give us requires that we trust him to provide for us. We have to expect the unexpected. We have to wait on his perfect timing. But rest assured that he wants to give us more than we need.

Maybe some of the folks on that ancient hillside wanted steak instead of fish, but what they received was a Messiah who filled their hearts with more than enough faith to grow spiritually, more than enough hope to become stronger in their trials, and more than enough love to share as they went forth to reveal Christ to others. In our Liturgies of the Eucharist, there's a lot more abundance to receive from Jesus than just a little piece of bread and a sip of wine. What do you really need from Jesus? More faith? More hope? More love? It's a good idea to think about this on the way to Eucharistic so that you can participate in Eucharistic more expectantly.

Reflections:
1. The people went to Jesus because there was something missing in their lives. They were searching. Sometimes we are searching ourselves but we cannot find what we are looking for unless, we know what we are looking for.
Do you know what you are searching in life?

2. The man who found a treasure in the field, sold everything he had and bought that field. What have you forsaken to find what you have been looking for in life?

3. The multiplication of fish and loaves reveal the power and depth of care Jesus has for his people. Have you allowed yourself to experience this in your life? Have you been able to give up control over your life to accept His providential care for you?

4. Do you really trust the Lord to look after you?

Hmm...this is so long................
But throughout the whole sermon and after the whole bible session, i was thinking..."What am i looking for? Do i trust God to look after me and provide me with what i need?"

The days in my current teaching career is fulfilling....but i just can't help it, but feel.......empty. Everything has been great for me, smooth sailing now, with the Lord in my heart, always with me...but i longed for my love... my ex has always been on my mind.. always, day and night, and its been such a sensitive topic that i never really wanna touch on it, except with my closest friends around who understands how i feel and why i still persist on feeling it this way...

Yes, i've been praying for his wellbeing, his overcoming of himself and coming back to receive God's love...and also prayed that if he's the One, hope that the Lord will guide him back to me.. AFter so much obstacles in relationships with different people, i get to differentiate what really meant to me, and still, being the silly sturborn girl, i believe deeply that he's the One..

After thursday session with Father Terence on Death and Resurrection, i really am believeing that JEsus will provide for me.. He wants the best for me... so if i'm not sure whether the Lord meant "he" for me, i will pray for the Lord to give me 7 signs...signs that only the Lord and I will know, which will determine whether "he" is the One.. when it works, i'll let the whole world know!

Jesus, I Trust in You. Please pray over my friends, my families, my wellbeing and especially my love..guide him back to Christ and envelope him with so much Love that he will never want to turn away from you again, ever. I ask this, in Jesus Christ most sacred name,
Amen.

Death to our old ways..Resurrect to a new life..

Haven't been updating my blogsite for a long while...been very occupied with sch work, and church stuffs... and especially when alot of things had happened in RCIA recently, its the amazing grace of God who had seen us through and grant us blessings...

Alot of people in St Anthony's church have prayed over for us Catechumens in RCIA Chronicles. Wanna thank them so much...people like Uncle Andrew (My big teddy bear uncle!) and Aunt Daisy, Rofina (My future Catechist mentor!! *hehe* wanna teach young children like her), and my coming-to-be Godparents (Dear Aunt Carol and Uncle Jeffrey)....Our group underwent a crisis, and we managed to pull through after 1 week of prayer!!! Praise the Lord!

Ever since i started RCIA, I was so sure that i will go through the whole process until i get baptised, until a few weeks ago, certain events started to plague the whole group...we underwent a dark period..and gradually, i began to realise that evil really exist and its trying to break us Catechumens who desires to be baptised in Jesus' name, next year during Easter. It was a chaotic period which lasted for 3 weeks, before we pulled through...a period of Death and Resurrection. We came back together as a whole group, and even had full attendance on thursday for our RCIA session (usually "The Sarah Kumar" will be missing..haha)! Thank you God for blessing us... Thank you Lord for granting the many miracles i've witnessed and hear about all these while...

Father Terence gave a wonderful teaching about the topic on Death and Resurrection...

The part that captivated me was the teaching that...God is omnipotent...God knows everything..

God knows our lives...God has plans for each of us..God is present in our past, present and future...What do i mean by that?

E.g. A woman lives a life of sadness, gets married in her 30s, gets divorced, lands herself into a huge financial debt... So since God knows everything, and He is in our past, present and future, Did God planned for it?

The answer is....NO. God is merciful and kind, He did not give us this kind of plan. It is ourselves who willed our own plans.. We, man, willed our sad story. God is almighty, and he loves us so much, that he gave us FREEDOM to live our lives. HE, indeed does have a plan for every single one of us, and if we CHOOSE to listen intently about what he wants to say to us, we will be able to lead a happy life....in God's grace.. =)

Why did bad things happen to us? Why did God not do anything to help us?
Bad things, events happens, when we go according to our OWN will... being sturborn..being arrogant, unforgiving, unable to let go of anger, hatred, sins, and we suffer...

God's knowing, does not determine what we do.

God's will is for us to be with Him. If we choose not to be, then we may end up suffering...Suffering is planned by us, not God. All consequences is due upon us when we chose to be egostic and do our will...and we cant blame God for our free will.

Human lives moment by moment, i.e, 8pm..9pm, 10pm, today, tomorrow.. BUT God is present at all these times.. He knows what is going to happen with every decision we make. He transcends time and space. God loves us so much, that he sets us free to do whatever we want to do..And when we do bad things, he actually knows what will happen in our future... God can only help us when we CHOOSE to listen to him... and He will guide us out of our DEATHS....

What exactly is Death, in this context?
Unforgiveness is death, anger is death, hatred is death, arrogance is death, pride is death, being sorrowful is death. Are we stuck in our sad pathetic ways? If we are, we are dead!

We must be open to Life. Every area of life must be open to new inspiration, new choices, new doors, so that we are open to Life...so that we can resurrect from the death.

Do we want to choose to continue to keep hitting, banging walls by our own will, or be open to changes, and will ourselves to the good plans of God?

When did Jesus begin to save us?
This was the question that one of us Catechumen asked Father Terence.

He said, "The moment when Jesus saved us, was when he came down from heaven, to earth and was born as a man." Man is raised to the level with God. Man, of course is not God, but God is with us now. What i'll like to think is, The Love story of God truly began when Jesus descended unto Earth...

How deep is your experience with God's Love?.. What i can really say is, the moment when you begin to understand his love, that's Salvation. This happens when we are prepared to move out of death.

To experience Love, you must experience You.
Admit to yourself, face yourself, come to terms with who you are.

Face death, know what it is, and come to resurrection.

There will be no resurrection until there is acknowledgment. Until we acknowledge ourselves who we are, we are unable to love ourselves and experience the Love of God.

Without Death, the Resurrection doesn't happen.

If there was no resurrection of Jesus, there wouldn't be Christianity. Jesus was risen by Himself and by no one else. His resurrection, all that was said by him, is verified. New life is offered.

Now, i truly understood why us Catechumens in RCIA have to go through a 22 months process before getting baptised. Father wants us to go through a series of conversion, going through the many deaths and resurrection...death to our old ways and be reborn to a new life... I begin to witness the changes in our people..and this is amazing...

We, as Catholics, do not believe in fate. If there is fate and predestination, there is NO FREEDOM, NO LOVE. Only with Freedom, there is Love. Now i understood more about the saying, "If you love someone, set him free. If he is yours to be with, he will come back to you.." This is God's love for us.. He waits for us to come back to him.

Many people have been asking me, "Why did i chose to become a Catholic?" I've never given a thought about it...but now, i only have an answer..

"Because i realised that God really loves me. Jesus loves us all.."

Sunday, July 19, 2009

My sponsored child - Jae Mae..~*


My first letter from my sponsored child - Jae Mae!!!
She's from Philippines, and i sponsored her through an organisation called World Vision.I've got so much to talk about her, but first and foremost, must write back to her!! :)

Monday, July 6, 2009

A Proper start to my Teaching career!!

Finally!! I've started on my teaching career!
Nearly "bwang" last week, which is my first week of teaching. First lesson into the class, i panicked...and my teaching sequence all wrong! what an ass... what's more? I'm teaching Normal Academic Sec 1, and they are using EXPRESS maths textbook!!

Why? It was said that, whoever can score 75% and above for sec 1 NA class, they can opt to go to sec 2 express next year...wow...the burden's on me to get them UP! whoever wants to go express stream....

Have learnt alot from my school mentor, also my Maths HOD, Mr. Chong..he's a GREAT teacher mentor. Every teacher adviced me to be tough on them on the very first lesson, to show them who is the BOSS in charge...so second day when i went in, i gave them all a list of "CLASS ROOM MANAGMENT" list.. telling them who i am, what i expect of the class, and also, my temper to those who dares to step on my toes, etc. It proved quite effective! So i can tone up or down anytime i want already, because i told them i'm the Military person..teacher in charge for Military band...used to teach the woodwinds in school in yr 2007 as well...ahaaAAH~*

If anyone don't finish my work and hand in on time, if the number crosses 5 person in a single work, MORE homework for ALL!! That's "One for All, ALL for One.." hahaAHa~~*

HAve to be REALLY discipline to do coursework over the term, because nobody's gonna regularly check my work! Its literally having NO BOSS and alot of disciples (students) under you!!! Only alot of meetings sometimes, i heard. So, i'm gonna be real disciplined now, after slacking for quite a long time...

Been watching this show, "Supernatural" online..Its a real AWESOME SHOW!!!!

Staring Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester (the elder brother) and Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester (the younger brother). I love Dean more, the bad boy, gutsy dude!! but i think i really like Sam's height, and especially his intellect too! hahaAH~*

The whole story is about the supernatural forces, demons and ghosts are the main ones who appears in season 1 to 3, but in season 4, FINALLY the Angels are coming out!!! Woohoo! All the while i was wondering when's God, Angels coming...stylo show~
Gonna finish off season 4 soon before i start getting late nights again!